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  1. #1
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    Default would you please correct this essay ?

    Hello,

    I would like you to correct this essay for me .
    I just want to know:

    1 if it is well-written and well-organized .


    2 if it is comprehensive or not .

    3 to grade it; whether : a, b, or c .

    Thanks in advance




    Computers cannot be compared


    to human minds




    The twentieth century is considered as the age of modern technologies. Computers are however the most important and remarkable of all, as man can not do without them. In fact, in some communities and companies, computers are a must. Although computers have similarities with human minds, they can not be compared to them, as there are fundamental differences between both of them.



    There are various similarities between computers and human minds . First of all, both of them have memories; however, computers memories are limited, and subjected by the information provided by the human minds . While, the human mind know no boarders at all, since human minds have the ability to contain different types and huge amount of memories, like for instance : a special wedding day, a wonderful birthday party, the death of someone dear; in several places, such as : Schools, homes, gardens, companies and streets.



    Secondly, there is another similarity between them, that is, they are both vulnerable to lose their memories: computers by a certain virus, and human minds by amnesia. Yet, the human mind can regain its memory by a kind of psychological shock; whereas, computers memories cannot be regained. Moreover, both of them need to be renewed from time to time; computers by upgrading, and human minds by updating.



    In the same respect, appears another similarity, as both of them have the capability of solving mathematical problems; nevertheless, human minds still have the advantage of solving psychological, social, and political conflicts and dilemmas. Furthermore, both of them work by energy; computers by electricity, and human minds by food and drink.




    Apart from that, lie the differences between both of them. On one hand, the human mind has the sense of creativity which computers totally lack; the proof is that, the human mind was the one who has invented computers , and other great inventions, like: the television, the telephone, the printer, the sewing machine, and the mobile.



    On the top of that, human minds do have will, since they are able to think and make decisions, whilst computers obviously lack this crucial aspect. Besides, the human mind do has ethics and principles to follow, and religious beliefs to abide by. As for computers, they are not acquainted with such things at all. Human minds also have the ability to grasp and save many kinds of feelings and experiences; whereas, computers do not have that type of ability to feel and have experiences.




    In the end, one can conclude that whatever great and unpreceding inventions are made, there are no alternatives for human minds. For the human mind which is the creation of Allah( God ), is the genuine creator of the rare and unique inventions .

    P.s : there is a space before every paragragh, as every time I do it, it was being canceled when previewing the post, really sorry !

    One more thing, which font do you choose in order to make your essay well-organized ?

    Thanks a lot .
    Last edited by RoseSpring; 14-Mar-2009 at 13:41.

  2. #2
    RoseSpring's Avatar
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    Default Re: would you please correct this essay ?

    Why there are not any replies, I do need your opinions and suggestions, so please help!

  3. #3
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: would you please correct this essay ?

    1. I suggest a Times Roman font for good readbility.

    2.Your essay "flows" OK. Use different opening clauses for your sentences, other than Apart from that and On top of that

    3. Watch your over-use of commas.

    4. I think that if you re-read your essay, you will be able to cut some of the unnecessary words and make your sentences shorter and more concise.

    Work on it and post again.

    Good start!

  4. #4
    RoseSpring's Avatar
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    Default Re: would you please correct this essay ?


    Thanks for help. In fact I have read it again; however, I could not get what do you mean! It is true that some sentences are a bit long, and I actually could not make them shorter. So, I will be so gratesul if you just give me an example in order for me to understand.


    Thanks again

  5. #5
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: would you please correct this essay ?

    Apart from that, lie the differences between both of them. On one hand, the human mind has the sense of creativity which computers totally lack; the proof is that, the human mind was the one who has invented computers , and other great inventions, like: the television, the telephone, the printer, the sewing machine, and the mobile.


    Still, there are differences between the computer and the human mind. The human mind has the ability to be creative, a feat computers totally lack. In fact is was the human mind that invented the computer and other great inventions, such as the television, telephone, printer, sewing machine, and the mobile.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: would you please correct this essay ?

    Now I did understand , thanks indeed.

  7. #7
    RoseSpring's Avatar
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    Default Re: would you please correct this essay ?

    Is there any other comment ?

  8. #8
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: would you please correct this essay ?

    Perhaps if you re-write your essay, someone will comment on the improvements.

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