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    • Join Date: Mar 2009
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    #1

    Hi,I start writing essay about month ago and I know itís not well-develop essay .

    Make large amounts of money or satisfied to earn a comfortable living.
    Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand


    Every day, we see people struggle with life. They go to work in order to earn money for living. But every person has a unique style life and thatís why each person has a different opinion about how much money they need, some of them believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable life.

    Some people believe if they make a large amount of money they can provide desirable life for their family ,put their children in best school in order to get the best education , purchase expensive cars and travel around the world, also they can help other people to pursuit their dream and be participate in charities .

    On the other hand, some others believe that a certain amount of money is necessary for life, but They think healthy life is more important, after all making a large amounts of money require more working and more pressure so they are satisfied with a comfortable life in addition saving for emergency and retirement age .

    In my point of view money is important for our life because we all need food, clothes, education and we donít get them free, still there are certain things in life that canít be bought with money, like family, happiness and love .So I choose be satisfied to earn a comfortable life.

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    #2

    Re: Hi,I start writing essay about month ago and I know itís not well-develop essay .

    Here's how I re-worked your paragraph:

    Some people believe if they make a large amount of money they can provide desirable life for their family ,put their children in best school in order to get the best education , purchase expensive cars and travel around the world, also they can help other people to pursuit their dream and be participate in charities .


    Some people believe that if they become rich, they can provide a desirable life for their family members. They can afford to place their children in the best schools in order for them to get the best education. They can purchase expensive cars and travel around the world. Since they have so much money they can even help other people to pursue their dreams and they can contribute to charities.

    See if you can re-write your other sentences. Make each thought a sentence and make each sentence a good one!

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