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  1. #1
    simpleplan91 is offline Newbie
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    Exclamation Help correcting my speech(urgent)

    My teacher said it has to be like an essay type form. I'm not sure it makes sense, and I would greatly appreciate if someone could help me get it right.

    Every year over 7.6 million people in the world die from cancer. (My teacher's name) and fellow classmates, I will be talking about a band known worldwide who have taken great measures help out the world. This band is called Simple Plan. They started out as any other band; small and unkown. They are associated with the Leucan Foundation and they founded the Simple Plan foundation to help out teenagers who are having problems.

    Simple Plan is made up of 5 guys from Montreal who decided they wanted to try themselves in the world of music. These guys are: Pierre the lead singer, Chuck the drummer, Jeff the lead guitarist, Seb the guitarist, and David the bassist. They formed their group in 1999. They used to tour around in Pierre's dad's beat up ambulance with couches in the back. Before they were in that band one of them used to be a janitor at his high school. Now they are known worlwide and they go on tour everywhere they even went to Japan a couple of times.

    When Jay, Pierre's brother had cancer for two years before managed to overcome it. Simple Plan decided it was time they did something about it to not only help his brother but to help all the other cancer patients and their families, they associated themselves with the Leucan foundation. Last Saturday, they gave a concert at Ski Bromont. It was a non-profit concert because all the tickets sold will go to the foundation. Last year the foundation raised 167 000 dollars. This year though, when Simple Plan came to Bromont, the Foundation has raised 300 000 dollars almost twice as much as last year. Those guys don't just do concerts for the money they do it for the fans who have support them and they do it to help out other people.

    In December 2005 they founded the Simple Plan foundation to help many different people who have problems from typical teenagers problems such as deppression,suicide and drugs to helping out the South East Asia tsunami victims. They decided that with this foundation they could try and give something back to the community for helping them be where they are now.

    Like every other band they started out small, but they grew and became knon worldwide. They don't just cancel concerts because they have the opportunity of making an appearance on TV. They have big hearts and they listen to people who need to be listened too. they are big on helping people and try to make the world a better place to live in.Sometimes life isn't only about fame and money, it's also about... help(I can't think of anything good to finish it off) They are always there for their fans Pierre once said "People that hate our band (Simple Plan), they will never hate enough to make me stop, they don't phase me. I love what I do so much and they will never stop me from doing it. No matter how loud they scream, I will scream louder and I will always be there for the people that love us."

    Do you think it would last at least 4 minutes long?
    Last edited by simpleplan91; 16-Mar-2009 at 03:34.

  2. #2
    *Jules* is offline Newbie
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    Re: Help correcting my speech(urgent)

    Hi I just read through your work. I think it is about 4 minutes long just take your time when reading making it clear. Here are some of the corrections I thought - hope it's a help.

    Every year over 7.6 million people in the world die of cancer. (My teacher's name) my fellow classmates and I will be talking about a band known worldwide who have taken great measures to help out the world. This band is called Simple Plan. They started out as any other band; small and unknown. They are associated with the Leucan Foundation and they founded the Simple Plan foundation in order to help out teenagers who are having problems.

    Simple Plan is made up of 5 guys from Montreal who decided they wanted to try themselves in the music industry. The group formed in 1999 is: Pierre the lead singer, Chuck the drummer, Jeff the lead guitarist, Seb the guitarist, and David the bassist. They used to tour around in Pierre's dad's beat up ambulance with sofas in the back. Before they formed the band one of them used to be a janitor at his high school. Today they are known worldwide and go on tour everywhere they have even been known to have travelled as far as Japan a couple of times.

    Jay, Pierre's brother was diagnosed with cancer and suffered for two years before managing to over come it. It was then that Simple Plan decided it was time they did something not only help his brother but to help all cancer patients and their families. Because of this they became associated with the Leucan foundation. Last Saturday, they gave a concert at Ski Bromont. It was a non-profitable concert and all the money raised from the tickets will go to the foundation. Last year the foundation raised 167 000 dollars. This year however, when Simple Plan went to Bromont, the Foundation raised 300 000 dollars almost twice as much as last year. The group doesn't do concerts for the money they do it for the fans who have supported them and to help out other people.

    In December 2005 they founded the Simple Plan foundation to help many different people who have problems from typical teenagers problems such as deppression,suicide and drugs to helping out the South East Asia tsunami victims. They decided that with this foundation they could try and give something back to the community for helping succeed.

    Like every other band they started out small, but they grew and became known worldwide. They don't just cancel concerts because they have the opportunity of making an appearance on TV. They have big hearts and they take the time to listen to every individual. They are big on helping people and try to make the world a better place to live in.Sometimes life isn't only about the fame and money, it's also about helping people and supporting those in need. They are always there for their fans Pierre once said "People that hate our band (Simple Plan), they will never hate enough to make me stop, they don't phase me. I love what I do so much and they will never stop me from doing it. No matter how loud they scream, I will scream louder and I will always be there for the people that love us."

    Do you think it would last at least 4 minutes long?

  3. #3
    simpleplan91 is offline Newbie
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    Re: Help correcting my speech(urgent)

    Thank you very much

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