hi i am an exchange student from pakistan i am applying for a 4 day conference in washington d.c and i need some help with editing my essay.
please halp me i feel that there are many mistakes , even if its all edited i dont mind as long as it turns out good.
this is what i should write about
Topic: How your experience in the YES program has influenced your perspective on life.
thais is the essay :
I remember walking down the street one day , looking only to what is in front of me and not what is around , I recall having no clue about some phrases such as leadership , community service, change, and many other phrases that are uncountable . I only remember a small vision of my dream that had a blurry side, a dream of being who I wanted to be, a dream of attaining something different, and a dream of being who I am right now. I've always known what I wanted since I was a little kid and tried to make sure to accomplish that . The most important thing to me was to achieve my dream .(A focusing point)
I, ve always had doubt about that. but being an exchange student in the yes program and going through the whole experience taught me more about myself, and who I want to be , It simply changed my life and its whole perspective .
There are many different aspects in life that I didn't know or think about before going through the yes exchange program like leadership , and volunteer work . These two play an important role in what I gained from my experience , they changed how I look to others and everything around me .
The most important question that started following me the day I came back to pakistan is what should I deliver to my country from the yes experience? because the experience that I went through is not only about me, it's about making a change.
Our country faces many issues that needs to be taken care of and our job is to put a hand in that and share all what we learned from the yes program to our home country , like getting involved in community service , leader ship and many other things that can affect our country in a positive way .
If I would look at myself before going through the yes program experience and after that I would find many reasons for making a change because of the several experiences I went through which I would have never gone through in my country and through these different experiences , I developed a whole new perspective of life and that is responsibility towards my country , my family and myself .
And the meaning of responsibility here is sharing my experience back home . which states the whole purpose of an exchange program.
Each and every individual that went through the yes program shared the same experience , but the change they did after that to their country is the difference between each one of them.
Iím sure that I learnt many things from the yes experience like responsibility , independence, a new culture , making new friends and many things that I cannot miss but the most important thing is how to gather all these experiences , develop a new perspective and make a change .
After going through the exchange program experience I can now find the difference because when I will walk down the street this time I will look at everything around me with out ignoring it . I'll look at the young child begging for money and realize that our country faces an issue of poverty and , I'll try to make a change or al least think about
making a change . I describe my experience like a focusing point that made me pay attention more in life and what lies beneath . It was a once in a life time experience that had an effect on my life and on others, going through this experience made me feel that I will be willing to make a change when ever I had the chance every and each day of my life.
please tell me what you think
thank you so much in advance for your help.