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  1. #1
    Dany's Avatar
    Dany is offline Senior Member
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    Please correct my essay

    Hello everyone,

    would you please correct the following essay? It's based on a picture story. I have to use so many adverbs as possible.

    Thanks in advance,
    Dany


    Late in the evening of 19th December, a burglar broke into a house near the Eifeltower. Carefully, he put all the valuable things of the living room in his bag. Then he felt hungry, so he went into the kitchen and looked for something to eat in the refrigerator. He found some bread and cheese. Then he took a knife, fork and plate out of the cupboard, and sat down at the table to eat what he had found. While he was eating, he felt thirsty. He went back to the refrigerator and took the two bottles wine out. He was so thirsty, that he drank both bottles out. Suddenly he felt very tired. Thatís why he didnít left the house. He went upstairs and looked for bed. As he found one, he put down his bag in front of the bed and laid down on it himself.

    Unfortunately, one neighbour had heard something, so she called the police because she thought that something is wrong in that flat. The police came immidiately. They saw the fun of it, to found the burglar sleeping in the bed. They woke him up and took him to the police station.
    Last edited by Dany; 19-Dec-2004 at 14:38.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Please correct my essay

    Eifeltower- Eiffel Tower
    took the two bottles wine out- took two bottles of wine out
    He was so thirsty, that he drank both bottles out- He was so thirsty that he drank both bottles
    didnít left - didn't leave
    looked for bed- looked for a bed
    laid down on it himself- lay down on it
    something is wrong- something was wrong
    immidiately- immediately
    They saw the fun of it, to found the burglar sleeping in the bed- they saw the funny side of finding the burglar asleep/sleeping in the bed

  3. #3
    Dany's Avatar
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    Re: Please correct my essay

    Thanks for your fast answer, Tdol

    Kind regards,
    Dany

  4. #4
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    Re: Please correct my essay

    I think he well done. I could not find any error.
    Last edited by Red5; 22-Dec-2004 at 17:10. Reason: Removed spammy link

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