Hi Tan Elaine.
Basically, very good.
It was the peak hour of the day. -- I'm not sure what you meant here. Was it 'rush hour' with all the cars on the road, or was it noon with the sun right above?
the hot and blazing sun was shining directly above me -- What do you think of this? The hot sun was blazing down directly on me.
The music became irritating to my ears. -- This isn't very natural sounding. The music became very irritating would be fine, though.
(I'm very impatient in traffic. You did better than I would have.)
- For Teachers