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  1. Unregistered
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    #1

    please proofread my paper

    please could you proofread the paper below and email me at [Email deleted.]

    Six years ago when I immigrated to this country from India, the Plane landed to Madison Airport. My grandfather, who lived in Madison for many years, came to pick me up. While on our way home, University Avenue passed by and I saw University of Wisconsin-Madison. I saw students with full of excitement: laughing and studying, great campus life, and nice bright future for the students. My grandpa who lived her for many years told all about the UW-system. I just wished that after finishing high school, I would definitely go to UW-Madison and feel the excitement myself that I saw in the students.

    High school was a strange time. Early teenage hood is about trying to develop identity but for me it was that and adjusting to this culture and make friends. For a new immigrant student usually English is a big problem but one of the advantages I had was that I used to go to a fully English school in India. So I had a good English proficiency and Hindi proficiency. However I had a hard time adjusting to this culture and truly high school can be very strange for someone who has not been so open.

    Even though with this, I was involved in many clubs in order for me to make friends and learn new things. I was involved in HOSA, science Olympiad, Math club, Spanish Club, UW Madison Arabidopsis Research Project and UW Madison Medical School Research Apprenticeship Program. High school was quite a journey; adjusting to new culture and making new friends and keeping yourself involved in many clubs to learn new things. However with this all I couldnít keep up my Grade point Average above the UW- Madison requirements so I decided to do early graduation and Went to Technical college.

    After my one semester of early graduation from High school, I came to MATC-Truax. Here right from the beginning of my first semester, I took Chemistry I, Calculus I and other classes with out meeting the prerequisites. This didnít came out to be the best semester and now I realize that I should have taken Prerequisites before taking those challenging classes and should have kept my GPA at good stage. Then the next semester I worked harder and achieved excellent result. My GPA is rising and my study habits are improving however performing poorly for 1st semester, my GPA cannot reflect the transformation I underwent at the start of this year. Dedicated to make something of myself, I guarantee that if you give me a chance I will assure you that I will work to the extremes of my capacity to achieve what I dreamed 6 years ago.

  2. RonBee's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: please proofread my paper

    I have to go now, but I will post some suggestions later.

  3. RonBee's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: please proofread my paper

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered
    Six years ago when I immigrated to this country from India, the Plane landed to Madison Airport. My grandfather, who lived in Madison for many years, came to pick me up. While on our way home, University Avenue passed by and I saw University of Wisconsin-Madison. I saw students with full of excitement: laughing and studying, great campus life, and nice bright future for the students. My grandpa who lived her for many years told all about the UW-system. I just wished that after finishing high school, I would definitely go to UW-Madison and feel the excitement myself that I saw in the students.

    Say:
    the plane landed at Madison Airport.



    Rewrite the rest of that paragraph.



    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered
    High school was a strange time. Early teenage hood is about trying to develop identity but for me it was that and adjusting to this culture and make friends. For a new immigrant student usually English is a big problem but one of the advantages I had was that I used to go to a fully English school in India. So I had a good English proficiency and Hindi proficiency. However I had a hard time adjusting to this culture and truly high school can be very strange for someone who has not been so open.


    Say:
    The early teen years are about trying to develop an identity, but for me it was that and adjusting to this culture and trying to make friends.



    Say:
    For a new immigrant student English is usually a big problem, but one of the advantages I had was that I used to go to a fully English school in India.




    (You might want to change "fully English" to something else. Some people might be puzzled about what that means.)


    Re:
    However I had a hard time adjusting to this culture and truly high school can be very strange for someone who has not been so open.
    I am not totally sure what you mean by "so open". Please be more specific. (Put a comma after However.)




  4. RonBee's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: please proofread my paper

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered

    Even though with this, I was involved in many clubs in order for me to make friends and learn new things. I was involved in HOSA, science Olympiad, Math club, Spanish Club, UW Madison Arabidopsis Research Project and UW Madison Medical School Research Apprenticeship Program. High school was quite a journey; adjusting to new culture and making new friends and keeping yourself involved in many clubs to learn new things. However with this all I couldnít keep up my Grade point Average above the UW- Madison requirements so I decided to do early graduation and Went to Technical college.
    Replace or delete Even though with this. Perhaps:
    I joined many clubs in order to make friends and learn new things.

    For the third sentence, try:
    High school was quite a journey; adjusting to a new culture and making new friends and keeping myself involved in many clubs to learn new things was difficult and exciting.
    Rewrite the last paragraph to achieve greater clarity.




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