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    #1

    Beginner's essay

    I'm trying to improve my writing skills. I think this is a good one but I wish someboday could give a feedback on it.

    Robert, my brother
    My second brother Robert was born in 2007 in Brazil. We have 12 years old of difference. When I saw him for the first time, he was the most beautiful baby in the world. I fall in love with him.

    Robert is the most handsome and cute baby that I know. He has big and brown eyes like me. He is both pale complexion and attractive. Furthermore he wears very cute clothes because sometimes I choose for him and is as a baby model. Actually he is big.

    Robert shouts a lot he doesn’t speak yet, but he wants to say something. Sometimes he is naughty. He wants to do something he is not allowed to do. Moreover, he is cute because he understands when I scolded.

    His hobbies are to irritate. For example, when my father or I want to paint something he wants to do too. Sometime is very disgusting. He loves animals, we have 2 dogs and he everyday want to go out see them. That is why I am very tired.

    Finally, he is my cute baby forever, I have other sister but he is my baby I love him because he does cute things. Moreover, now he says my name. I am very happy.

  1. Monticello's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
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    #2

    Re: Beginner's essay

    Hi ARUK2008,


    Quote Originally Posted by ARUK2008 View Post
    I'm trying to improve my writing skills. I think this is a good one but I wish someboday somebody could give a me feedback on it.
    Yes. You write well. This piece just needs a little cleaning up:


    Robert, My Brother

    My second brother, Robert, who is twelve years younger than me, was born in 2007 in Brazil. We have 12 years old of difference. When I saw him for the first time, I fell in love with him. I thought that he was the most beautiful baby in the world. I fall in love with him.

    Robert is the most both handsome and cute. He is the most attractive baby that I know have ever seen. He has big, and brown eyes, and a pale complexion -- like me. He is both pale complexion and attractive. Furthermore he wears very cute clothes because sometimes I choose for him and is as a baby model.. Since he is a baby model, he wears very cute clothes, which I choose for him. Actually, for a baby, he is big.

    Robert shouts a lot. he doesn’t speak yet, but he wants to say something. Robert doesn't speak yet; instead, he shouts a lot. And when he does, it seems as if he is trying to say something. Sometimes, when he wants to do something he is not allowed to do, he is can be naughty. He wants to do something he is not allowed to do. Moreover, Still, he is cute because he understands when I scolded scold him.

    His hobbies are He loves to irritate. For example, when my father or I want to paint something, he wants to does too. Sometimes is this can be very disgusting. He loves animals. We have 2 dogs, and he everyday every day he wants to go out to see them. That is why I am very tired.

    Finally, he is my cute baby forever. Even though I have other a sister, but he is my baby. I love him because he does cute things. Moreover, And now, since he says my name, I am very happy.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Spanish
      • Home Country:
      • Argentina
      • Current Location:
      • Argentina

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    • Posts: 76
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    #3

    Re: Beginner's essay

    Thank you, thank you...thank you again. Thanks for being such a patient person and teacher!

  2. Monticello's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
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    • Posts: 455
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    #4

    Re: Beginner's essay

    My pleasure, ARUK2008. Keep writing!

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