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  1. #1
    thedaffodils's Avatar
    thedaffodils is offline Key Member
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    Default East, West, Hometown Is Best

    Hello! Could you please proofread this writing of mine for me at your convenience? I wrote it for practising English, and venting.

    Your help is highly appreciated!


    East, West, Hometown Is Best


    If I have enough money, I want to settle down in Gulang Island of Xiamen City, Fujian Province, where I was born.

    The weather there is always agreeable all the year around. It never snows in winter. Azure skies and blue seas embrace this serene island. There are no air pollution and noise pollution in this small clean island unlike the highly commercialised city -Shanghai where quality of air and noises of vehicles makes me sick. Except for ambulances and fire trucks, not a single bus or car is allowed in this island.

    Gulang Island has a nickname of Piano Island. Tourists can hear the beautiful piano pieces fly from some households there now and then. In 1950s, there were 500 plus pianos in this islands, and currently there are around 200 pianos on this island. Around 10% households own their own piano on an average.

    Except for those above, I can eat the foods I used to eat any time, and speak the mother tongue- Hokkien.

    I talked about foods with a net pal from Beijing several days ago. She asked me what the specialities of foods in my hometown are. I talked a lot to her about that, and then she asked me, " Are you homesick?" Suddenly I realised it. Yes, I am. East, west, hometown is the best in my mind.

    P.S. The source of picture is as below:
    http://images.google.cn/imglanding?i...=1&newwindow=1
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails 20081107150543670.jpg  
    Last edited by thedaffodils; 02-May-2009 at 08:35.

  2. #2
    Monticello's Avatar
    Monticello is offline Member
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    Default Re: East, West, Hometown Is Best

    Hi thedaffodils,

    Nice piece! May I suggest the following corrections and comments? :


    East, West, Hometown Is Best


    If I have enough money, I want to settle down in Gulang Island of Xiamen City, Fujian Province, where I was born.

    The weather there is always agreeable all year round. all the year around. It never snows in winter. Azure skies and blue seas embrace this serene island. There are no air pollution and noise pollution in this small clean island unlike the highly commercialised city -Shanghai where quality of air and noises of vehicles makes me sick. Unlike the highly commercialised city of Shanghai, where the quality of the air and the noise of vehicles makes me sick, there is no air or noise pollution on this small, clean island. Except for ambulances and fire trucks, not a single bus or car is allowed in on this island.

    Gulang Island has a nickname of is nicknamed, "Piano Island." Every now and then, tourists can hear the beautiful piano pieces music fly emanating from some households there. now and then. In the 1950's, there were more than 500 plus pianos in on this islands, and island. (Currently there are around about 200.) pianos on this island. On average, Around about 10% of all households own their own piano. on an average.

    Except for those above, (Those above? -Which? -Where?) I can eat the foods I used to eat any time, and speak the mother tongue -- Hokkien.

    Several days ago, I talked about foods with a net pal from Beijing. several days ago. She asked me what the specialities of foods in my hometown are. I talked a lot to with her about that, and then she asked me, "Are you homesick?" Suddenly I realised it. (that) yes, I am. In my mind, East, West, Hometown Is the Best! in my mind.

    P.S. The source of the picture is as below:
    http://images.google.cn/imglanding?i...=1&newwindow=1

  3. #3
    thedaffodils's Avatar
    thedaffodils is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: East, West, Hometown Is Best

    Hi Monticello,

    Thank you very much for taking time to correct my writing one by one carefully and your suggestion.

    I'll have to read it carefully later. I am going to work soon.

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