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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2009
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    2
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    Default My motivation letter!

    Hello everybody!

    A friend of mine adviced me to visit this site for a good&firm spelling/grammatical check on my motivation letter.

    Although I can make myself understandable in English, I'm not sure if my motivation letter is any good, because I tend make alot grammatical mistakes(I have no idea what the actual name for it is, but I mean mistakes like this one: ''It brought me alot of fun'' , you know what it means, but it isn't right)

    For the ones who are going to read it, thanks alot, I appreciate it!

    Christopher

    Enjoy(?)

    Langstraat 4A
    6333 CE Schimmert
    The Netherlands
    Tel: 045-404-2209


    3rd May, 2009


    Tilburg University
    International Student Services, K235
    Warandelaan 2
    5037 AB Tilburg
    The Netherlands

    Dear Madam/Sir,

    My name is Christopher Starmans, I’m 17 years old, born on the 2nd of October 1991 in Heerlen, and I would like to apply for the ‘Economics’ Bachelor-programme at your university. Currently, I’m finishing my VWO-degree at Stella Maris College Meerssen. I’m in the ‘E&M’ stream, which includes advanced economics.

    The past two years I’ve been researching different bachelor programmes, and narrowed my options down to a few. When I visited an open day at the university of Tilburg, and attended a course about the new ‘Economics’ programme, I knew that this was a programme that would challenge me, and thus interest me. The economy has always been important in our lives, so understanding how it actually works and functions seems very interesting and also profitable to me. Also, because the ‘Economics’ programme is international, it doesn’t tie you down to remain in the Netherlands for your entire life, but instead, it gives you to opportunity to build your future anywhere you want, which fits perfectly in my later ambitions, such as going to (and maybe settling) in the Asian world, which I’ve always been fascinated with.

    Although the university of Maastricht also offers the ‘economics’ programme, and is only a half an hour away from here, I prefer the university of Tilburg for 2 reasons, firstly: the university of Tilburg is a smaller university, which means there is more room for teacher-student conversation and attention, so if there would be something I wouldn’t understand, I can immediately ask a teacher for guidance. Secondly: the university of Maastricht uses their so-called ‘PGO’-system, which I’m not a big fan of.

    I’m from a typical rural village in the southern parts of Limburg, and thus, my international experiences are limited to vacation and school trips to European countries (such as Germany, France, Italy, The U.K. and Austria). Because I haven’t explored much of the world, I want to have a career which is international, and allows me to venture through the entire world, so I can see the many things our world has to offer, and also, to become successful.

    As for my later career goals, as I mentioned before, I have ambitions to become international successful, preferably in the Asian world, because I believe that’s where the future will be the best(for several reasons). I’m hoping I can become successful in the banking sector, because banking is a very interesting part of the economy, and also a complicated one. Since I was a little boy I always found it odd how people could use so many types of money in the entire world, and why ,for example, people couldn’t pay with euro’s in the U.K. , and how exactly the exchange rates work.

    I hope by sending you this letter, I get accepted for your ‘Economics’ Programme, and allowing me to answer those questions, and getting me another step closer to an international future.

    I am looking forward to your reply,

    Yours sincerely,

    Christopher Starmans

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    19
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: My motivation letter!

    [quote=ChristopherStarmans;472072]Hello everybody!

    A friend of mine adviced me to visit this site for a good&firm spelling/grammatical check on my motivation letter.

    Although I can make myself understandable in English, I'm not sure if my motivation letter is any good, because I tend make alot grammatical mistakes(I have no idea what the actual name for it is, but I mean mistakes like this one: ''It brought me alot of fun'' , you know what it means, but it isn't right)

    For the ones who are going to read it, thanks alot, I appreciate it!

    Christopher

    Enjoy(?)



    NOTICED YOU'D HAD NO RESPONSES. YOU DO YOURSELF AN INJUSTICE IN YOUR ASSESSMENT OF YOUR OWN ENGLISH GRAMMAR (Yes, I KNOW my User Name has a 'typo' but don't let that put you off my advice!!). Much of this will just my grammatical taste (and maybe a bit traditional) but I'll try and say {IN THESE DOUBLE BRACKETS} when that occurs.
    Firstly, AVOID ABBREVIATIONS I'm, etc. OK in conversation! and I'd do away with all those 'marks' around Economics.

    My name is Christopher Starmans. {NEW SENTENCE} I am 17 years old and was born on 2nd October 1991 in Heerlen. {NEW SENTENCE as you are not applying BECAUSE you are 17} I would like to apply for the ‘Economics’ Bachelor programme at the University of Tilburg. Currently, I am finishing my VWO-degree at Stella Maris College Meerssen in the ‘E&M’ {? Don't know this abbreviation, but even if they do it would be polite to use the full words rather than just the letters) stream, which includes advanced economics.

    For the past two years I have been researching different bachelor programmes {normally not a comma AND an 'and'} and narrowed my options down to a few. When I visited an open day at the University {capital U - part of its title} of Tilburg and attended a course about the new Economics programme, I knew that this was a programme that would challenge me, and thus interest me.

    The economy has always been important in our lives; {semi-colon ; [a sort of halfway between a comma and a full stop] is a bit old-fashioned but I prefer it. Don't use it unless you are comfortable with it.} so understanding how it actually works and functions seems very interesting and also {profitable? Do you mean profitable (sounds financial) or beneficial/advantageous?} to me. Also, because the Economics programme is international, {deleted part sounds like a way of getting out of Netherlands ... a bit negative} it gives the opportunity to build one's future on a global basis. {Sentence a bit long} This would fit perfectly with my later ambitions of going to and maybe settling in the Asia, a part of the world which has always fascinated me. {Old grammar rule in English is never to end sentence with a preposition e.g. with}

    Although the University of Maastricht would seem a more obvious choice as it offers the Economics programme and is only a half an hour's travel away from my home, I prefer the University of Tilburg for two main reasons.

    Firstly, the University of Tilburg is a smaller university, which means there is more opportunity for teacher-student conversation and attention. {I think I might just drop this part as it is the first part is pretty self-explanatory}so if there would be something I wouldn’t understand, I can immediately ask a teacher for guidance.}

    Secondly, the University of Maastricht uses {This sounds a bit rude/unprofessional - their so-called ‘PGO’-system, which I’m not a big fan of - Why not...) the 'PGO' System the merits of which have not won me over.

    I am from a typical rural village in the southern parts of Limburg, and thus, my international experiences are limited to vacation and school trips to European countries {Do we really need to list European countries for a Uni guy? (such as Germany, France, Italy, The U.K. and Austria)}. Because I have not explored much of the world, I aim {more positive?? Your choice} to have a career which is international and allows me {I'd leave out this bit too. to venture through the entire world, so I can} the chance to see the many things our world has to offer and {Maybe add a positive "What you'll do" bit} where I can make a valuable and successful contribution.

    As for my later career goals, as I mentioned before, I have ambitions to become internationally successful, preferably in the Asian world, because I believe for a variety of reasons that that is where the economic future lies. I am hoping that I can become successful in the banking sector, because banking is an integral and {I would add integral but not if you are not comfortable with the word) very interestingly complex part of the economy.

    Since childhood I have always found it fascinating how people could use so many types of money in the entire world {Do we need this example to an Economics person?and why ,for example, people couldn’t pay with euro’s in the U.K. ,} and how exactly the exchange rates work {Whta about a topical bit adding and affect the global economy. ...? Just a thought!)

    {May I suggest an alternative final paragraph as the 'hope' bit doesn't sound very assertive/positive. DON'T USE IT IF YOU DON'T PREFER IT! I hope by sending you this letter, I get accepted for your ‘Economics’ Programme, and allowing me to answer those questions, and getting me another step closer to an international future. So instead of this...}

    I trust that this information will prove to be an advantage in the acceptance process for the University of Tilburg Economics Programme as a springboard to a successful career in an increasingly global society.

    I look forwad with anticipation to a positive reply from you.

    (If you're going to copy and paste, remember to delete all my brackety bits!!!!)

    Best of luck.
    JT

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    19
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: My motivation letter!

    Quote Originally Posted by ChristopherStarmans View Post
    Hello everybody!

    A friend of mine adviced me to visit this site for a good&firm spelling/grammatical check on my motivation letter.

    Although I can make myself understandable in English, I'm not sure if my motivation letter is any good, because I tend make alot grammatical mistakes(I have no idea what the actual name for it is, but I mean mistakes like this one: ''It brought me alot of fun'' , you know what it means, but it isn't right)

    For the ones who are going to read it, thanks alot, I appreciate it!

    Christopher

    Enjoy(?)

    Langstraat 4A
    6333 CE Schimmert
    The Netherlands
    Tel: 045-404-2209


    3rd May, 2009


    Tilburg University
    International Student Services, K235
    Warandelaan 2
    5037 AB Tilburg
    The Netherlands

    Dear Madam/Sir,

    My name is Christopher Starmans, I’m 17 years old, born on the 2nd of October 1991 in Heerlen, and I would like to apply for the ‘Economics’ Bachelor-programme at your university. Currently, I’m finishing my VWO-degree at Stella Maris College Meerssen. I’m in the ‘E&M’ stream, which includes advanced economics.

    The past two years I’ve been researching different bachelor programmes, and narrowed my options down to a few. When I visited an open day at the university of Tilburg, and attended a course about the new ‘Economics’ programme, I knew that this was a programme that would challenge me, and thus interest me. The economy has always been important in our lives, so understanding how it actually works and functions seems very interesting and also profitable to me. Also, because the ‘Economics’ programme is international, it doesn’t tie you down to remain in the Netherlands for your entire life, but instead, it gives you to opportunity to build your future anywhere you want, which fits perfectly in my later ambitions, such as going to (and maybe settling) in the Asian world, which I’ve always been fascinated with.

    Although the university of Maastricht also offers the ‘economics’ programme, and is only a half an hour away from here, I prefer the university of Tilburg for 2 reasons, firstly: the university of Tilburg is a smaller university, which means there is more room for teacher-student conversation and attention, so if there would be something I wouldn’t understand, I can immediately ask a teacher for guidance. Secondly: the university of Maastricht uses their so-called ‘PGO’-system, which I’m not a big fan of.

    I’m from a typical rural village in the southern parts of Limburg, and thus, my international experiences are limited to vacation and school trips to European countries (such as Germany, France, Italy, The U.K. and Austria). Because I haven’t explored much of the world, I want to have a career which is international, and allows me to venture through the entire world, so I can see the many things our world has to offer, and also, to become successful.

    As for my later career goals, as I mentioned before, I have ambitions to become international successful, preferably in the Asian world, because I believe that’s where the future will be the best(for several reasons). I’m hoping I can become successful in the banking sector, because banking is a very interesting part of the economy, and also a complicated one. Since I was a little boy I always found it odd how people could use so many types of money in the entire world, and why ,for example, people couldn’t pay with euro’s in the U.K. , and how exactly the exchange rates work.

    I hope by sending you this letter, I get accepted for your ‘Economics’ Programme, and allowing me to answer those questions, and getting me another step closer to an international future.

    I am looking forward to your reply,

    Yours sincerely,

    Christopher Starmans
    Meant to say... Also at the ripe old age of 17 I don't know if it is a brilliant idea to put a document on the net which has (what I assume are) you home address, telephone and real name.

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