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  1. #1
    ohmyrichard is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
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    May 2008
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    account of an experience

    Hi,everyone.
    The following is an account I can give of what happened to me this past Friday. But I am not satisfied with it in terms of being idiomatic.Would you please do me a big favour and proofread or rewrite it? I so desperately want to know how native speakers would put these same ideas in proper English. I mean my English may not be so natural and I want to learn more about English writing through comparing my original version and yours. The job of proofreading or rewriting my account will surely be time-consuming. But this is not something urgent and you can do it when you've got a minute.
    Thank you very very much!

    My account of a minor road accident and what ensues:

    On my way to the Mochou campus where I take the school bus to the suburban campus for my teaching or something else, I had a minor road accident. My bike collided with a scooter which breached the traffic rule by taking the wrong lane and going against the traffic. I crossed the street and intended to get on the lane for bikes on the right side of the street. At the end of the crossing there parked a minivan, which blocked my view and also blocked the scooter rider's view. I never expected someone to come in the opposite direction. When I saw the scooter, it was too late. I was knocked off the saddle of my bike. An old lady got off the back of the scooter and apoligized to me repeatedly. It was a minor road accident and I did not feel hurt physically. So I did not call the police and motioned for them to leave.


    But when I got on my bike I found the front wheel of my bike was slightly distorted. But I was in a hurry to catch the school bus and did not have the time to beckon the scooter rider back. I took the school bus and got to the suburban campus. I went to the school library and spent a lot of time finding out seventeen books on academic writing in the bookshelf maze and checked them out.I am co-compiling a book on academic writing which will be used by English majors of my university in the future. I went to the secretary's office afterwards and got some written instructions for tomorrow's exam administration at a junior college. And the secretary asked me whether I would like to have a ticket for the documentary film Nanjing!Nanjing! which is newly released and aims to refresh Chinese people's minds about the Nanjing (or spelt Nanking) massacre, part of our collective consciousness. I asked her whether I can be allowed to have three tickets and she said yes. I intended to invite my wife and daughter to view the film together with me, but the secretary said, "Better not take your daughter along with you, for the scenes are too bloody according to the teachers who have watched the film." I asked her to give me three tickets and I said I would decide on it after I got home.



    After I went upstairs and got in the office, my student called me and asked me to give her some further advice on how to improve her graduation thesis. After a short wait, she arrived and I spent about half an hour giving suggestions on how to polish her thesis. After that, I went to the toilet and pissed. There is a big rectangular mirror above the sinks. I washed my hands and face. Suddenly my instinct told me that there might be something going wrong. I turned around and found that I had ripped the bottom in my left trouser!!! I had been to the library and the secretary's office without knowing about the VERY existence of the big rip in the shape of the Arabic number 7, through which my shorts could be seen!!! What embarrassed me more was that no one had told me about it or dropped a hint to me. Or did they not notice it either? Or did they pretend not to have noticed it?



    I carried the bag with the 17 borrowed books in it with one hand and covered the rip with the other when the school bus going back to the Mochou campus came. Only when I got on it did I take away my hand from the rip with a sigh of relief. I dropped heavily into the seat! No one could see it now! I flew home on my bike to flee the embarrassment after the school bus reached the urban campus!I have never experienced this before and I hope I will never experience this once again.



    This real experience could be expanded into a stream-of-consciousness novel!

  2. #2
    Daruma is offline Senior Member
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    Re: account of an experience

    Hello.

    I would start like this:

    Here's the story about a minor road accident that I experienced last month / in February / a while ago.


    When I was riding a bike, a motor scooter driving in the wrong lane hit me. Before the collision occurred, I had crossed the street and had been trying to go to the right side of the street to enter the bike lane.

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