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  1. #1
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    i would be grateful,if someone corrext this essay.

    Fear is a difficult problem to overtake; it grips minds of many of us. Fear prevents people from achieving success and kills any opportunity or chances in life. As a result, People lose the sense of life. However, they attempt to overcome their fears which come in variety of types, some common fears are: fear of failure and fear of loneliness…

    Failure has never been a mistake but an experience. Most successful people in the world fail many times before arriving at their success. For example, Tomas Edison failed ninety-nine times before inventing the light bulb, these fails or rather series of experiences led him to an outstanding innovation. Therefore, life is based on learning and trying small experiences that give birth to the big success. For this reason, scared people of failure should change their mind and input new instructions that bear strong motives because inside them there is their real character which hopes to find out new things.

    Fear of loneliness is another nightmare despite it does not deserve to be frightened of. Since individuals are naturally social, it ought to be understood that feeling of loneliness is mere phantom. To believe in that, people should make a good relation with themselves and enjoy making relationships with other people. As well, it is important to believe or build their social communication skills. Thereafter, life should be taken easy and loving it in order to receive the same feeling because that is the way to exclude loneliness.

    To sum up this essay, absolute fear is really a psychological problem that stays people off of feeling the sense of life. In fact, variety of types of fear like fear of failure and fear of loneliness makes it a tough problematic issue; moreover, scared people have opportunity to solve their problems because solutions are not far.

  2. #2
    csheywood's Avatar
    csheywood is offline Member
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    Re: i would be grateful,if someone corrext this essay.

    Quote Originally Posted by yassin View Post
    Fear is a difficult problem to
    PHP Code:
    overtake 
    'overcome' - you used it later in this paragraph; it grips the minds of many of us. Fear prevents people from achieving success and kills any opportunity or chances in life. As a result, People no capital letter needed lose the their sense of life. However, they attempt to overcome their fears which come in a variety of types, some ...types. Some..common fears are: fear of failure and fear of loneliness…
    '...' is not the best form of punctuation here. A full stop will do.

    Failure has never been a mistake but an experience. Most successful people in the world fail many times before arriving at their success. For example, Tomas Edison failed ninety-nine times before inventing the light bulb, since you have 2 sentences which are closely related and you don't have a conjunction word (and, or, but), use a ; here these failures (noun) or rather series of experiences led him to an outstanding innovation. Good supporting detail. Therefore, life is based on learning and trying small experiences that give birth to the big success. For this reason, scared people of failure people scared of failure - although 'scared' is like an adjective it comes from the original' people who are scared of failure. We can omit the 'who are' and it becomes an adjective phrase should change their mind and input new instructions that bear strong motives use a comma here. It's quite a long sentence. because inside them there is their real character which hopes to find out new things.

    Fear of loneliness is another nightmare despite although it does not deserve to be frightened of. feared. Since individuals are naturally social, it ought to be understood that a feeling of loneliness is mere phantom. To believe in that, people should make a good relation with themselves and enjoy making relationships with other people. As well, it is important to believe or build their social communication skills. Thereafter, life should be taken easy and loving it loved in order to receive the same feeling because that is the way to exclude loneliness.

    To sum up this essay, absolute fear is really a psychological problem that stays puts people off of feeling the sense of life. In fact, the variety of types of fear like fear of failure and fear of loneliness makes - you have 2 subjects in the sentence ' it a tough problematic issue; moreover, scared people have the opportunity to solve their problems because solutions are not far.
    I hope you understand the changes I have made. I focussed mainly on the grammatical use of nouns and verbs, and 'the/a'. Please don't feel punctuation marks are not too important. Often they make a big difference to the ease of following an idea.
    You have clearly organised your ideas. I'm not an academic but I am interested in supporting students who need to practise writing, especially for exams.

  3. #3
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    Re: i would be grateful,if someone corrext this essay.

    hello.


    Thank you very much for correction. i appreciate it.

    your explanations were useful, it helpes me to avoid a lot of mistakes in the future.


    see you

    bye

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