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  1. #1
    m-tongy is offline Newbie
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    Default Asking for suggestion in writing a statement of financial.

    I have a problem in writing English. Since it not my native language. I am applying for the scholarship and I have to write a statement of financial and status. I need a suggestion of how to write a good statement. I know that I week in grammar, complex sentences and essay writing. I don't know what is the main idea or the support phrase. Please advise me for improvement. The below passage is the real situation but I'm not sure that writing like this will be benefit or bad for me.
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    I was born in the middle-class family with four familyís member (father, mother, sister and myself). We live in the urban area. My parents both bank officer. When I was little, financial of our family is not quite good but we did not lack on anything. We have one used car, a bit old but it really needed that time. Since my parents have to work in downtown and dropped my sister and me at school. Travel by bus might be late for work and inconvenience. However, we have to leave early about 4.45 A.M. to avoid the rush hour. That made me and my sister always be the first who arrived school at 5.45 A.M.

    When I was a child I have so many dreams, but my family canít supported me. Although, we are plain but my parents gave me the best thing they could. My parents didnít have a high education so they hope their children have a good educational because graduated from university means I have more opportunity in finding a job and donít be a labor. I was well educated since I was a child. Study in the great school, living in a good society. My farther always told me that he donít have any legacy to give to me accept knowledge which will last until I die. Therefore, I put an effort into study.

    In 1997, the Asian Financial Crisis made my farther decide to join in an early retirement program so all the burden comes to my mother. The tuition of two children is quite expensive because we didnít study in the government school. After join in the program, my farther receive the pension and investing in the garden tree business, which close down in 3 years because lacking the experience in business. The rest of the money he pays by the house lone. That made us clear form debt.

    I always participated in school activities, which my parents supported to join in the activities that develop the classmate relationship. I lived smoothly until I am in the university. My parents expect me to study in the top university. I study hard and entranced to the faculty I need, which is the same faculty with my sister. But when I was in the 2nd year. My mother was last stage lung cancer. I feel shocked and replete asking my self, why this happened in our family. One day after I heard the bad news, I realize that its fine, my mother still alive. Since I have to live in the universityís dormitory, so I see my parents only in the weekend. That is a very hard time for me, both mentality and my mother treatment. We spend a lot of money in treatment and it has become more poverty-stricken since my mother is the only one who has an income. Nevertheless, we receive many help from the relatives.

    Before I returned home in the 2nd year school break, my mother was in and out the hospital all the time. Since, she has to get to work in order to be not fire. The last time she has to admit in the hospital for 2 months. I really want her to get back home. When I was school break, I visit my mother at the hospital and then she can get back home for about 2 weeks. A few days before the open semester, she pass away. I know all the time that someday she die but I still feel regret. But I tried to be strong and I think that my mother was not suffer any more. I will live my life best.

    After my mother death, she left a few money which bring my family financial even worse. Since my father is very old and retired. I still have to study for 2 years. Fortunately, my sister graduated and has a work. My father divides some money for my tuition. We lived with economize. My sister comes to respond all expense in the house. For my self, I have to live with only 100,000 Bath for 2 years. When I have a free time, I did a part time job such as photograph, event runner and freelance typewriter for find an extra income.
    Although, I have a financial problem but I still want to study aboard to increase my knowledge. If I get the financial support from the university, it would be helpful. Moreover, if I could go to study aboard at your university, I hope to do a part time job for extra expense in order to buy important educational equipment and personal things. Since I have to make a living by my self for the pass year, I am sure that even it is hard to step over but I will make it.



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    Thank you in advance to everybody who help me with this.

  2. #2
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Asking for suggestion in writing a statement of financial.


    Here is a suggestion for your last paragraph:

    After my mother's death, there was little money, which has made for financial stress for the family. My father is very old and retired. I still have to study for 2 more years. Fortunately, my sister has graduated and has work. My father sets aside a little money for my tuition. For myself, I have to live using only 100,000 Bath for 2 years. When I am able, I do part time jobs such as photography, event runner and freelance typist to earn extra income.

    I still want to study aboard to increase my knowledge. If I get financial support from the university, it would be helpful. Moreover, if I could go to study aboard at your university, I can work a part time job for extra income to buy educational needs and personal things. Since I have earned my own living by myself for the past year, I am sure that I can work part-time and will be able to help support myself. I need assistance to pay for tuition and housing costs.



  3. #3
    m-tongy is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Asking for suggestion in writing a statement of financial.

    Thank you very much.
    Is there other thing I have to add more ?

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