For my first blog post this year I thought I'd provide you with a couple of light-hearted and entertaining looks at the English language. The first shows you just how confusing the language can sometimes be, whilst the second demonstrates why some suggest that English spelling should be reformed.
English is a Crazy Language
This piece by Richard Lederer is very famous. For me it is a perfect demonstration of why people get so confused with this complex language - here's a sample from it, but be sure to read the full version of English is a Crazy Language on his site:
Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese... One blouse, 2 blice?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a "slim chance" and a "fat chance" be the same, while a "wise man" and "wise guy" are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while "quite a lot" and "quite a few" are alike? How can the weather be "hot as hell" one day and "cold as hell" another?
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who are spring chickens or who would actually hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
Now I know why I flunked my English. It's not my fault, the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.
English spelling is dumb!
According to 103-year-old Ed Rondthaler, English spelling is dumb! He's one of a number of people who advocate reform for English spelling, and looking at this video he's produced it's hard to disagree:
If you would like to find out more about English spelling reform, check out these links for more information:
- The Spelling Society [British English]
- The American Literacy Council [American English]
Is English a crazy language? Do you agree or disagree with spelling reform? Do let us know what you think in the comments.
hello sir,
compliment of the season i see the same, what i ned ,to due for me is that
1. How to peak correct english
2. write correct english
3. vocabulary grammar
4. correct spelling
i adore what u r doing with english!! its gr8 how u r helping us to consider it an easy ,funny and exceptional language!!
I agree with English being a tough language to learn. Sometimes I wonder if the English language was created for just the sake of communicating!? Anyhow, it is one of the most dominate languages on this planet, why expend energy fighting it?
Thanks Red..a very intersting article. Do keep providing such links.
thanks red...i like your article. It's realy intersting.
Are you tired of supporting the ambivalent nature of our government towards making English our official language?
Consider this:
1. Several states allow drivers licenses, official government documents and even voting to be conducted in languages other than English.
It's not so much that the states allow it, but more appalling that they condone and make immigrants "lazy" by making things easier for them. So is political correctness appropriate? Is it tolerable that our government thrives on making things easier for immigrants?
1. The federal government continues to fund classes for students with limited English proficiency even though research dictates that these children don't necessarily improve their language skills. The fact that the classes are conducted primarily in their native language and very little English is indoctrinated in the curriculum is an injustice if not a crime.
In my opinion, the federal government and the local school systems count on the millions of discretionary dollars because these dollars can be used on other things than just the LEP classes. So think about it, if the number of students enrolled in LEP is lowered or if these students "actually" do learn English, then the dollars dry up.
2. Why should current generations of immigrants have it easier than it was for generations of previous immigrants? My parents and I arrived in the US at age of three and my parents knew that (1) we needed to assimilate; (2) they needed to work in whatever job was available; (3) we needed to learn the culture, heritage and history of the United States of America; (4) we needed to learn English to survive in our new country.
3. I am an immigrant and I am proud to have been able to come to this country for a better life. I can proudly say that my parents never sought or expected any assistance from the government. They worked hard and long hours to have the "little" we had to make it.
Why is it that current immigrants come to the US and "some" of them think it is a right to receive financial assistance from the government?
Understanding that as one gets older, it is difficult to learn a new language. However, with the many churches and not for profit organizations available that teach English, why is it that non-English speakers take a back seat and just give up when it comes to rolling up their sleeves to learn English.
In closing:
(A) The privilege to drive in our country is just that-a privilege. It is not a right or an expectation. Logical sense and a reasonably minded would believe that English should be known to take the drivers license examination. It is unacceptable for a person getting behind the wheel of a vehicle to test for said license in a language other than English merely to make it "easier" for them to get a license. If that holds true, then the family of any human being killed by another human being who was licensed to drive and who took said exam in another language than English, should be able to file suit for negligence on the basis that said person caused the death because of their lack of English.
(B) Aside from the associated costs (at taxpayer's expense) of providing translators and translating official documents, the emphasis by federal, state and local governments of providing or making it "easier" for immigrants to conduct official business is a major setback for these people to advance or make it in our country.
I strongly believe that "ALL" official business in this country at "ALL" levels of government must be done in English. Providing translators and translated documents only exacerbates the difficulty of learning English. Additionally, it creates a "false" sense of not having to learn English. Why would anyone have a need or desire to learn English in our country if the government provides translators and translated documents.
(C) Perhaps the most important and sacred right we as Americans experience is voting. Yes, politics is dirty, tricky, often corrupt, but it is the best form of government selection there is known to mankind. So as one of the most sacred actions we as Americans exercise, why would that exercise be allowed in any language than English?
It is unconscionable to grant that right to someone in our country and allow him or her to vote in a language other than English.
If you agree that the status quo of letting people take a drivers license test in many languages, giving people the choice of getting official documents in many languages or letting people vote in many languages, then don't do anything.
However, if you agree with my three points, then please join me on my Blog and the efforts to make English our official language.
Please visit my Blog at www.proenglishusa.blogspot.com to learn more and to spread the word to your friends, family and colleagues.
In order to preserve America's heritage and acknowledge and respect the sacrifices made by countless Americans before us to give us liberty, freedom and prosperity, please take a stand and join my Blog.
Thank you,
Eddie V Garcia
Hi. I come from Bulgaria and I've been learning English for 13 years. I agree with the comments above and I like this article a lot. In my opinion the language is really crazy but if you want to learn it you would be able to do it. ( I'm sorry if I have any mistaces)
i like your article. It's realy intersting.