Help me please！

[Evelynnnnn]

Please help me to correct this paragraph, thank you!!:-D

Besides, the curriculum of chemical engineering study offered by X university also excites me! Other than preparing students for real industry field, X also offers some practical course in other fields of study. Financial account, for example, introduce some basic accounting knowledge to the students so that a better business decision could be made. I believe this well-rounded curriculum will enable me to have advantage over others and have a wide range of careers in the future. X as one of the participating institutions of NURI program has equipped with high quality of educational equipment and facilities which will enhance the effectiveness of teaching and learning process, and thus helps me to achieve my goal.

 

[Evelynnnnn]

And this:

During the visitation of Japanese students to our school, I was chosen as the school representative to welcome them. I had introduce my school and lead them to look around the whole campus.Besides, I have developed a good friendship with one of the Japanese student who I still keep contact with. The interaction with foreign students is one of the best experiences throughout my school life.

 

[TheParser]

***** NOT A TEACHER *****

Maybe something (something) like:

"During a visitation by Japanese students, my school chose me to extend the official welcome. I discussed our school's history and then escorted them on a tour of the campus. Meeting these students was one of the highlights of my time at school. In fact, one of the visitors and I still keep in contact."


NOTES:

1. I referred to "a" visitation. I would use "the" only if I had already mentioned such a visitation.
2. It is hard to explain, but sometimes it is better not to use the word "foreign" or "foreigners."
3. The past of "to lead" is "led."
4. Who/whom I still keep in contact with.

 

[Evelynnnnn]

NOTES:

Thank you so much!! :-D:-D If I use "international" instead of "foreign" is it appropriate? Cause I would like to emphasize on international exchange aspect

Do you have any comment on my first post? ;-)

 

[MikeNewYork]

Evelynnnn, you need to come up with better titles for your threads. They should be specific and contain words from your actual question. "Help me please" does not help anybody.

 

[TheParser]

***** NOT A TEACHER *****

Hello, Evelynnnnn:

Thank you for your kind note. In my opinion:

1. Yes, "international" often has a more pleasant ring (sound).

2. Since you have already mentioned that the students came from Japan, your reader(s) knows that it was an international exchange. (You did not indicate other visits. If visitors from other countries did visit your school, then "international" would fit in nicely, indeed.)

3. You may want to avoid "cause" for "because." It might make a bad impression on the person(s) who is reviewing your application.

4. Your first post is too difficult for me. I am sure that someone else will soon address it.

When you get your scholarship, please let all of us know.

We are all rooting for you!

 

[Evelynnnnn]

When you get your scholarship, please let all of us know.

We are all rooting for you!

awww it's so heartwarming Yes I will! Thanks to everyone who helped me!