Opinion paragraph

[nhungnguyen13]

OWNING A BUSINESS
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Owning a business is a first step for financially independent and personal growth. First of all, we can control all thing of our business. One of the biggest problems we faced when having a job is being managed. This makes us extremely worried to hear that someone constantly supervises, criticizes and tells us what and when to do. But as an entrepreneur, we'll find ourselves setting the rules. We can set up our company to follow our style. We can also manage our time and choosing our partner. The ability to control and freedom are the goal motivates us to strive for a lifetime. In addition to the controlling our work, we can enlarge our relationship. When we run our business, our friends and other relationships will be immediately expanded as we have to learn a lot of experience of those who went before. We have to find customers. On the contrary, many suppliers will find us. Finally, we can get what we devote. In fact, we are only paid a fraction by a company hiring us against what we contribute. Because when you are recruited, the business owner has to compare the benefit you will bring to the company with the amount they have to pay you. Becoming a boss of ourselves means that there will not be any intermediary stages reduces our income. We will exactly receipt what we deserve. Everyone has his choice or move to any company with a stable income, or take adventure to find his own way with his own company. Whatever we choose, we also have to be really honest with our way of thinking perspectives and best preparation for our chosen.

Please help me correct those mistake!

 

[emsr2d2]

OWNING A BUSINESS


Owning a business is [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] the first step [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] in financial[STRIKE]ly[/STRIKE] independence and personal growth.

First of all, we can control [STRIKE]all thing[/STRIKE] everything [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] about our business.

One of the biggest problems we [STRIKE]faced[/STRIKE] face [STRIKE]when having a job[/STRIKE] as employees is being managed.

[STRIKE]This[/STRIKE] It makes us extremely worried to hear that someone is constantly supervising us, criticizing us and telling us what to do and when to do it.

[STRIKE]But[/STRIKE] As an entrepreneur, [STRIKE]we'll[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]find ourselves setting[/STRIKE] we set the rules.

We can set up our company to follow our own style.

We can also manage our time and [STRIKE]choosing[/STRIKE] choose our partners.

The ability to control and have freedom are the goals which [STRIKE]motivates[/STRIKE] motivate us to strive [STRIKE]for a[/STRIKE] throughout our lifetime.

In addition to [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] controlling our work, we can [STRIKE]enlarge[/STRIKE] expand/strengthen our relationships.

When we run our own business, our friendships and other relationships will be immediately [STRIKE]expanded[/STRIKE] strengthened as we [STRIKE]have to[/STRIKE] learn a lot [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] from the experience of those who went before.

We have to find customers [STRIKE]. On the contrary,[/STRIKE] but many suppliers will also find us.

Finally, we can get what we devote. I don't know what this sentence means.
In fact, we are only paid a fraction by a company hiring us [STRIKE]against[/STRIKE] compared to what we contribute.

This is because when you are recruited, the business owner has to compare the benefit you will bring to the company with the amount they have to pay you.

Becoming [STRIKE]a boss of ourselves[/STRIKE] our own boss means that there will not be any intermediaries [STRIKE]stages[/STRIKE] reducing our income.

We will [STRIKE]exactly[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]receipt[/STRIKE] receive exactly what we deserve.

Everyone has [STRIKE]his[/STRIKE] the choice of moving to [STRIKE]any[/STRIKE] a [STRIKE]company[/STRIKE] job with a stable income, or [STRIKE]take[/STRIKE] being adventurous [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] by finding [STRIKE]his[/STRIKE] their own way with [STRIKE]his[/STRIKE] their own company.

Whatever we choose, we also have to be really honest [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] about our way of thinking [STRIKE]perspectives[/STRIKE] and how to best [STRIKE]preparation[/STRIKE] prepare for our chosen path.

Please help me correct those mistakes!

See above. I'm not sure I agree with the concept of people who own a business only receiving what they deserve. Many business owners take a huge salary for themselves, leaving less for the employees, whether they deserve that salary or not.

 

[nhungnguyen13]

I don't know grammar of sentence: "We also have to be really honest about our way of thinking and how to best prepare for our chosen path". I think "best" is an adjective, so why do we place it before a verb "prepare"?