Could you help me to correct please?

[sofiarica94]

Hello, I am new here, so I have read carefully the rules, I hope I am not breaking anyone! =P
My teacher corrected me yesterday this letter, I was wondering if you could tell me any more mistakes, Thank you!
Note the mistakes corrected by my teacher in bold.

To whom it may concern:

I am writing to propose a new range of facilities for young people in our town. As far as I am concerned, youngsters do not have access to enough services to spend their free time constructively.

First of all, it would be interesting [STRIKE]that there would[/STRIKE] if there could be a cinema which plays movies in their original version. This is a perfect way to escape from the daily routine for young people and it could contribute positively to their knowledge. In other words, this kind of cinema could cultivate youngsters’ minds [STRIKE]making[/STRIKE] helping them [STRIKE]to [/STRIKE] in learning different languages, lifestyles and culture from different countries. Moreover, it might be a good idea to set up a game room which offers a variety of games that include on the one hand, school games and on the other hand, free time games. The former contain topics from school subjects such as geography, languages, history, mathematics or physical education. Youngsters could choose the subject they would like to play and there would be different questions that they have to answer according to their age. The latter include science-fiction, cars, and fight or gambling games but there would be a rule; it would be necessary to answer properly the questions from school games if they want to play [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] free time games. Opening such a room would increase the motivation [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] of young people to answer
appropriately the questions as well as they would be learning new concepts that otherwise they would not probably learn. The last proposal I am going to suggest is to habilitate open places in order to discuss topics they are interested in. There would be surveys so as to choose the topics they want to talk [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] about. As a result of [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] this, everyone would be able to share their opinions
without being judged by [STRIKE]no [/STRIKE] anyone and having freedom of expression. This would be a good way to socialize with others and learn[STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] from them.

I hope these recommendations might be taken into consideration and implemented in the short term. If you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me by email at XXXX

 

[teechar]

I'll make my own corrections (in red), and I'll comment, where necessary, in blue.

Hello, I am new here, so I have read [STRIKE]carefully[/STRIKE] the rules carefully; I hope I am not breaking any. [STRIKE]one![/STRIKE] =P

My teacher corrected [STRIKE]me yesterday[/STRIKE] this letter of mine yesterday, but I was wondering if you could [STRIKE]tell[/STRIKE] point out to me any more mistakes that may still be in it. Thank you!

Note the mistakes corrected by my teacher are in bold.

To whom it may concern:

I am writing to propose a new range of facilities for young people in our town. As far as I am concerned, youngsters here do not have [STRIKE]access to [/STRIKE]enough such facilities [STRIKE]services[/STRIKE] to use during their leisure time. [STRIKE]spend their free time constructively.[/STRIKE]

First of all, [STRIKE]it would be interesting [STRIKE]that there would[/STRIKE] if there could be[/STRIKE] we need a cinema which plays movies in their original version. This is a perfect way for young people to escape from their daily routine, [STRIKE]for young people[/STRIKE] and it could contribute positively to broadening their knowledge. In other words, this kind of cinema could cultivate youngsters’ minds [STRIKE]making[/STRIKE] and help them to learn different languages, lifestyles and cultures from different countries.

Moreover, it might be a good idea to set up a game room which offers a variety of games that include on the one hand, school games and on the other hand, free time games. The former contain topics from school subjects such as geography, languages, history, mathematics or physical education. Youngsters could choose the subject they would like to play and there would be different questions that they have to answer according to their age. The latter include science-fiction, cars, and fight or gambling games but there would be a rule; it would be necessary to answer properly the questions from school games if they want to play [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] free time games. Opening such a room would increase the motivation [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] of young people to answer
appropriately the questions as well as they would be learning new concepts that otherwise they would not probably learn.

[I have no idea what you're talking about there. You started by suggesting some youth facilities for your town; now you're talking about a "game room" for a school!]

The last proposal I am going to suggest is to designate [STRIKE]habilitate open places in order[/STRIKE] certain areas/zones for young people to discuss whatever topics they are interested in. There would be surveys so as to choose the topics they want to talk [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] about. [STRIKE]As a result of [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] this,[/STRIKE] This way, everyone would be able to share their opinions without being judged by [STRIKE]no [/STRIKE] anyone and have [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] the freedom [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] to express what they wish to express. [STRIKE]ion.[/STRIKE] This would be a good way to socialize with others and learn [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] from them.

I hope these recommendations [STRIKE]might[/STRIKE] can be [STRIKE]taken into[/STRIKE] given serious consideration and implemented in the [STRIKE]short[/STRIKE] near term. If you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me by email at XXXX.

 

[sofiarica94]

Hello teechar, first of all thank you for your time. I loved your answer, but I have some doubts about it.

-I am writing to propose a new range of facilities for young people in our town. As far as I am concerned, youngsters here do not have enough such facilities to use during their leisure time.

I had never come across the expression "enough such" and after checking on the internet, I still have doubts about how to use it. I've seen the expression "enough of such" though. Is it right to omit "of"?

-I hope these recommendations can be given serious consideration and implemented in the near term.

I thought that "in the short term" was more commonly used. Actually, I had never read "in the near term" before. Could you tell me why did you choose "near" instead of "short"?
Thank you so much!

 

[teechar]

I had never come across the expression "enough such" and after checking on the internet, I still have doubts about how to use it.

Try putting it in this.

http://corpus.byu.edu/coca/x.asp?r1=&w=1024&h=600

I've seen the expression "enough of such" though. Is it right to omit "of"?

That can work the same as the "enough such" in some contexts. However, the "of" is sometimes needed as part of another expression.
e.g.
I had had enough of such behaviour, so I decided to end the relationship.
The basic set expression in the above is "have enough of"; "of" is part of that expression.

I thought that "in the short term" was more commonly used. Actually, I had never read "in the near term" before. Could you tell me why did you choose "near" instead of "short"?
Thank you so much!

To me, "the short term" can indicate a temporary situation (which may change/be different in the longer term). That's why I prefer "the near term" which just means soon.

 

[Flogger]

Why "I have read carefully the rules" is wrong?

 

[teechar]

Why is "I have read carefully the rules" [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] wrong?

You'll find the answer in the link below.

http://dictionary.cambridge.org/grammar/british-grammar/adverbs-and-adverb-phrases-position

;-)