[Essay] lots of differences

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Ashiuhto

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Would anyone be kind enough to check the following paragraph for me? Thanks!

There were lots of differences between field trip and classroom-teaching at school. It was my first time to visit the headquarters of LiveABC Magazine Company. How surprising it is to enrich my experience. Mr. Jason Chen, the chief editor as well as the vice president of LiveABC, explained how they spend tremendous efforts on the intricate procedures of publishing a magazine and making a CD-ROM. Even a common, ordinary CD-ROM that we don’t cherish much wants to be something more than it is. Therefore, we should make the most use of the magazines and the CD-ROMs to make our English go advanced. That was really a special experience for us and we learned a valuable lesson.
 

Gillnetter

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Would anyone be kind enough to check the following paragraph for me? Thanks!

There were lots of differences between the field trip and the classroom-teaching at school. It was my first time to visit the headquarters of LiveABC Magazine Company. How surprising it is to enrich my experience (What you are trying to say here is, "It enriched my experience". If you want to use "surprise", "I was surprised at how it enriched my experience". Even by changing this sentence, there is the question of what experience was enriched.). Mr. Jason Chen, the chief editor, as well as the vice president of LiveABC, explained how they [STRIKE]spend [/STRIKE] expend tremendous efforts on the intricate procedures of publishing a magazine and the making of a CD-ROM. Even a common, ordinary CD-ROM that we don’t cherish much wants to be something more than it is (Rewrite this sentence. CDs do not want anything, they are not alive and do not have a brain.). Therefore, we should make the most use of the magazines and the CD-ROMs to make our English go advanced (English cannot "go advanced". "Therefore, we should make the best use of magazines and CDs to help us advance in our English). That was really a special experience for us and we learned a valuable lesson (I doubt if you learned a lesson. You may have learned how magazines and CDs are made, but that is not really a lesson. A lesson would be more meaningful. If you went to a prison and saw the conditions there, you may have learned a lesson, not to be a criminal).
Gil
 

Ashiuhto

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I rewrite the paragraph as written. However, I am still confused by the underlined parts. Besides, I am sorry to post another thread 'go advanced' with the same content. Parden me for my negligence.

There were lots of differences between the field trip and the classroom-teaching at school. It was my first time to visit the headquarters of LiveABC Magazine Company. How surprising it is. Mr. Jason Chen, the chief editor, as well as the vice president of LiveABC, explained how they expend tremendous efforts on the intricate procedures of publishing a magazine and the making of a CD-ROM. Even a common, ordinary CD-ROM that we should cherish. That was really a special experience for us and we learned how magazines and CDs are made. Therefore, we should make the best use of magazines and CD-ROMs to help us advance in our English.
 
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Gillnetter

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I [STRIKE]rewrite [/STRIKE] rewrote the paragraph as written. However, I am still confused by the underlined parts. Besides, I am sorry to post another thread 'go advanced' with the same content. [STRIKE]Parden [/STRIKE] Pardon me for my negligence.

There were lots of differences between the field trip and the classroom-teaching at school. It was my first time to visit the headquarters of LiveABC Magazine Company. How surprising it is. Mr. Jason Chen, the chief editor, as well as the vice president of LiveABC, explained how they expend tremendous efforts on the intricate procedures of publishing a magazine and the making of a CD-ROM. Even a common, ordinary CD-ROM that we should cherish. That was really a special experience for us and we learned how magazines and CDs are made. Therefore, we should make the best use of magazines and CD-ROMs to help us advance in our English.
You are having problems with "surprise" because it doesn't easily fit into the text. Surprise is a sudden occurrence - someone jumps out and frightens you - you are surprised; something happens that you did not expect - you are surprised. You could write that it was surprising to learn how much effort the magazine puts into their work.
 

Ashiuhto

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I rewrote the underlined parts as written. Are they acceptable?

There were lots of differences between the field trip and the classroom-teaching at school. It was my first time to visit the headquarters of LiveABC Magazine Company. It enriched my experience.
Mr. Jason Chen, the chief editor, as well as the vice president of LiveABC, explained how they expend tremendous efforts on the intricate procedures of publishing a magazine and the making of a CD-ROM. That was really a special experience for us and we learned how magazines and CD-ROMs are made. Even a common, ordinary CD-ROM that we should cherish, not use it as a coaster or a toy frisbee. Therefore, we should make the best use of magazines and CD-ROMs to help us advance in our English.

 
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