[Essay] Cover Letter needs fixed tone of speech

[farshad_ir]

I am trying to land on my dream job! Here is part of (first Paragraph) my Cover Letter

Dear Sirs, I have over 20 years of C programming skills. I have developed it in various fields from automation industry to genome data analyses. I did bachelor's degree in Electrical Engineering/Electronics. When I visit people doing something repeatedly by their hands, I promote them to automate their jobs. My view is based on my Automation Engineering skills. I believe that Automation can elaborate level of the jobs but if and only if it is based on an analytical précised model.

Here I am trying to say something to relate to the second paragraph. I wanted to say (or proof) that Automation is important but should be based on good model/algorithm . I know I need to redesign this paragraph please help me

 

[tayloreen]

Hey, these are the changes I'd make:

Dear Sirs, I have over 20 years of experience in C programming. I have obtained these skills while doing my bachelor's degree in Electrical Engineering/Electronics and working in various fields from automation industry to genome data analyses. That's why based on what I've learnt I believe workplace automation benefits not only company owners but regular workers. And whenever I see a person denying the advantages of automation I'm trying to show them what their results would be if they relied on automatic control a little bit more. However, I also believe one should not bluntly rely on it unless a proper job has been done on the model or algorithm.

Also, I think you should start with why you want to work at that company and what motivates you to make your cover letter a little bit more personal so that when the company representative reads it he wants to schedule an interview with you immediately. Actually, you can check these [REMOVED URL] to get a better insight into this.