Please help me correct my motivation letter

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suzyluu

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Hi all,

Currently I am planning to study master in tourism in Germany. Please help me to correct my motivation letter, its deadline is 30 May 2019.
Many thanks in advance :) :) :)

24 May 2019

Application for Master in Tourism Development Strategies at XXX

Dear Admission Committee,

I am writing to express my interest in Tourism Development Strategies program (TDS) implemented by (school name), starting in winter semester 2019. Since I have a strong background in both studying and working experience in Tourism and Hospitality industry, I believe that TDS - a unique and practice-oriented master program perfectly suits me through upgrade knowledge base and skills for my career prospects.

Graduated from Business Administration with a focus on Tourism and Hospitality management, I gained a good bachelor degree with thesis grade 95%. My bachelor program was taught by 30% of Vietnamese for compulsory subjects in Vietnam and 70% of English for specialized subjects (economics, accounting and finance, subjects related to tourism). Besides, we had a compulsory 21-day trip throughout Vietnam to get knowledge about not only destinations but also career prospects in this field and a compulsory short trip to the beach in order that we can increase our teamwork spirit which is a very important skill in service industry.

Thanks to an internship as tour guide in summer 2015 to complete my degree and my job as receptionist in a hotel chain, I had an excellent insight into tourism field. Moreover, I was also inspired to make my start-up business in this field. As a result, my friend and I started operating a hostel in my hometown in Can Tho - the heart of Mekong Delta which gave me a great chance to apply mostly all knowledge in university from a hotel planning and decoration to a manager of a hospitality property, human resources, revenue, capital, marketing, customer services. Besides, my reservation executive position in a cruise company not only enhanced my skills in a professional environment but also brought me challenges of working in an international environment. That made me have a desire to take a higher education in this field for a comprehensive development that I can turn all these challenges to opportunities in globalization.

On the search for developing my career path internationally, I figure out that TDS at (school name) fits me in any aspects. The program is taught in English with a language centre that helps students to develop German language skills. Besides, there is an international field trip and various company visits trip which I believe are really helpful to enhance my experience internationally and to make a solid base for my future career.
With all mentioned above experience and adaptability during working and self-travel, I believe that I will have a great experience of studying abroad and have a comprehensive for my future career once I become a student of (school name).

I am very grateful for considering my application, and I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

(My full name)
 

teechar

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Feb 18, 2015
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English Teacher
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Iraq
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Hi all,
Currently, I am planning to [Strike]study[/Strike] apply for a master's in tourism in Germany. Please help me to correct my motivation letter.[Strike]its[/Strike] the application deadline is 30 May 2019.
Many thanks in advance.

24 May 2019

Application for Master in Tourism Development Strategies at XXX

Dear Admissions Committee,

I am writing to express my interest in the Master of Tourism Development Strategies program (TDS) [Strike]implemented[/Strike] offered by (school name), starting in the winter semester of 2019. Since I have a strong [Strike]background in both studying[/Strike] academic record and practical work [Strike]ing[/Strike] experience in the tourism and hospitality industry, I believe that TDS - a unique and practice-oriented master's program perfectly suits me and will help [Strike]through upgrade[/Strike] enhance my knowledge base and skills [Strike]for[/Strike] as well as my career prospects.

In [YEAR], I graduated [Strike]from[/Strike] with a bachelor's degree in Business Administration with a focus on tourism and hospitality management, [Strike]I gained a good bachelor degree with[/Strike] and my thesis grade was 95%. Most of the subjects (70%) in my bachelor's program [Strike]was[/Strike] were taught [Strike]by 30% of Vietnamese for compulsory subjects in Vietnam and 70% of[/Strike] in English.[Strike]for[/Strike] Those specialized subjects included economics, accounting and finance [Strike], subjects[/Strike] which are directly related to tourism. Besides, we had a compulsory 21-day trip throughout Vietnam to [Strike]get knowledge[/Strike] learn about not only destinations but also career prospects in this field, and a compulsory short trip to the beach [Strike]in order that we can increase our[/Strike] to learn all about teamwork, [Strike]spirit[/Strike] which is a very important skill in the service industry.

Thanks to an internship as a tour guide in summer 2015 to complete my degree and my job as a receptionist in a hotel chain, I [Strike]had[/Strike] have gained an excellent insight into the tourism industry. [Strike]field.[/Strike] Moreover, I was also inspired to [Strike]make[/Strike] establish my start-up business in this field. As a result, my friend and I started operating a hostel in my hometown in Can Tho - the heart of the Mekong Delta which gave me a great chance to apply [Strike]mostly[/Strike] all the knowledge I learned in university from hotel planning and decoration to [Strike]a manager of a[/Strike] hospitality management, [Strike]property,[/Strike] human resources, [Strike]revenue, capital,[/Strike] finance, marketing, and customer service. Besides, my role as a reservation executive [Strike]position[/Strike] in a cruise company not only enhanced my skills in a professional environment but also [Strike]brought[/Strike] provided me the opportunity to deal with the challenges of working in an international environment. That [Strike]made me have a desire to take a[/Strike] has motivated me to pursue higher education in this field [Strike]for a comprehensive development[/Strike] so that I can turn all these challenges to opportunities in our globalized world. [Strike]ation.[/Strike]

[Strike]On the[/Strike] After searching for [Strike]developing my career path[/Strike] a suitable international program, [Strike]ly, I figure out[/Strike] I found that TDS at (school name) fits my needs. [Strike] me in any aspects.[/Strike] The program is taught in English, with a language centre that helps students to develop German language skills. Besides, there is an international field trip and various company visits [Strike]trip[/Strike] which I believe [Strike]are[/Strike] would be really helpful to enhance my experience internationally and to [Strike]make[/Strike] help me build a solid base for my future career.

[Strike]With all mentioned above experience and adaptability during working and self-travel, I believe that I will have a great experience of studying abroad and have a comprehensive for my future career once I become a student of (school name).[/Strike]

I am very grateful to you for considering my application, and I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

(My full name)

Good luck.
 
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