[Essay] motivation paragraph

[Unregistered]

Hello everyone ,

I am a student !

I'm applying to medical school and in the application I'm supposed to write a motivation paragraph constituted of 8 sentences. I would kindly like to request a revision of what I have already written and some further assistance in improving it.

Becoming a doctor specialized in Obstetrics and Gynecology has always been a passion and aspiration at a time for me. Throughout the past years of my life, it was made clear to myself that I approached my decision of becoming a doctor in a mature manner. Getting enrolled at a such highly prestigious university will give me the golden chance to thrive and be brought into my realm where I will be able to demonstrate my potentials in full by excelling in my studies.

Sincerely ,

A.

 

[TheParser]

Hello everyone ,

I am a student !

I'm applying to medical school and in the application I'm supposed to write a motivation paragraph constituted of 8 sentences. I would kindly like to request a revision of what I have already written and some further assistance in improving it.

Becoming a doctor specialized in Obstetrics and Gynecology has always been a passion and aspiration at a time for me. Throughout the past years of my life, it was made clear to myself that I approached my decision of becoming a doctor in a mature manner. Getting enrolled at a such highly prestigious university will give me the golden chance to thrive and be brought into my realm where I will be able to demonstrate my potentials in full by excelling in my studies.

Sincerely ,

A.

***NOT A TEACHER***Your paragraph is very nice. I recommend only a few minor changes. Maybe something like: Becoming an obstetrician and gynecologist has long been my goal. Throughout the years, it has grown into a passion. I have taken the appropriate courses at school , read widely on my own, and used every opportunity to learn more about the medical field. I feel that I can be of the greatest service to my community by becoming a physician. I have been seeking an educational institution that offers state-of-the-art instruction and that holds its students to the most exacting standards of excellence. The University of ( ), I feel, offers me the best opportunity to develop my potential to the fullest. I am eager to use my talents to help in the never-ending efforts to alleviate human suffering.