Overall assessment

[english_learn]

Dear teacher,

Please read my writing below and kindly tell me what is my writing level such intermediate, upper intermediate, advanced etc. and what areas that I need to focus in order to improve my English to upper advanced level / highest level? Appreciate your 360 view feedback on my writing for my improvement


We live in a society where human jobs are being overtaken by technology. Organisations are willing to adapt and automate their business processes never before. As a result, unemployment rate has increased significantly across the world.
Using technology provides many benefits to business. It increases productivity, efficiency and sustainability of the business. Using human resources instead of technology is costing a lot because employer has to pay salary, annual leave and other compensation on a regular basis to human resources. Availability of technology is 24/7 which cannot be replaced by human resources. Also, organisations do not need to have human resources team to manage their equipment and only one human resource is sufficient to monitor them.
However, when companies keep on replacing human resources with technology, the society could face severe drawbacks. When unemployment is rate gone up, there will be poverty in the society and competition for jobs will increase. In order to win the competition and meet employer’s expectation job seekers will be forced to gain highest possible skills which could cost lots of money. People who cannot afford to pay for gaining skills will be stuck with unemployment. As a result, people will not have capacity to full fill their needs which could impact country’s economy.
Therefore, organisations should not only focus on their business benefits when automating business process but also think about society future. Government should come up with a law to enforce business to maintain a reasonable balance between technology equipment and human resources.

 

[Raymott]

We live in a society where human jobs are being [STRIKE]overtaken[/STRIKE] taken over by technology. Organisations are willing to adapt and automate their business processes as/like never before. As a result, the unemployment rate has increased significantly across the world.
Using technology provides many benefits to business. It increases productivity, efficiency and sustainability of the business. Using human resources instead of technology is costing a lot because the employer has to pay salary, annual leave and other compensation on a regular basis to human resources. Availability of technology is 24/7 which cannot be [STRIKE]replaced[/STRIKE] replicated? by human resources.

Intermediate to upper intermediate. You've omitted about a dozen "the" articles.

 

[english_learn]

Many thanks. Could you please tell me why have you included "THE" before employer? Since the sentence I am not specifically talking to about an employer. So I think "THE " is not required. Please clarify

 

[Raymott]

The structure "Employer has to pay" is not used in English for proper sentences. We don't write phrases with singular nouns without an article. The following are all wrong:
"Cat drinks milk"; "I saw postman delivering letter"; "Learner asks a question."

PS: I take you to mean, "I'm not talking about a specific employer." If not, I'm not sure what that sentence means.

 

[emsr2d2]

When we are talking about non-specific things as a generalisation we use either the plural with no article or the singular with the definite article.

Lions are the most dangerous animals on the planet.
The lion is the most dangerous animal on the planet.

Employers are responsible for their employees' safety.
The employer is responsible for his/her employees' safety.

Elderberries have the highest concentration of vitamin C of all fruit.
The elderberry has the highest concentration of vitamin C of all fruit.

In your example, use either "the employer has to pay ..." or "employers have to pay ...".

 

[english_learn]

Thanks it is very clear.

In my post , I have asked to assess and provide feedback on my writing. Feedback in a sense where I need to focus more in order to improve my English writing to an advanced level. Or please refer me an online course to achieve my objective.

There are many courses such as Professional writing and editing but I am not sure it is the right one for me

When we are talking about non-specific things as a generalisation we use either the plural with no article or the singular with the definite article.

Lions are the most dangerous animals on the planet.
The lion is the most dangerous animal on the planet.

Employers are responsible for their employees' safety.
The employer is responsible for his/her employees' safety.

Elderberries have the highest concentration of vitamin C of all fruit.
The elderberry has the highest concentration of vitamin C of all fruit.

In your example, use either "the employer has to pay ..." or "employers have to pay ...".