My grammar exercises 3

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Bassim

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Today I have written a few sentences using different verbs. I would like to know if I have used them correctly. Would you please correct my grammar and punctuation?

1. A morning mist crept over the river banks.
2. Peter was happy in his marriage until one day a doubt crept up on him, and he asked himself if his wife was unfaithful.
3. Anxiety crept up on her as she waited for the doctor to come up with the result of her tests.
4. She lay in her bed while the first sunbeams crept into the room through the Venetian blind.
5. The young girl' shoulders heaved with sobbing, and she burrowed her head into her mother's chest.
6. The thick fog curled along the river and moved slowly over to the nearby path. It was dimly lit, and made John frightened. His skin was soon covered in goose pimples.
7. A woman sitting beside me made vomiting noises, and I cowered away from her, afraid she was going to get sick and soil my new jacket.
8. I sat waiting for her with anticipation, but when she appeared, fat and puffing at her cigarette like an addict, my excitement waned.
9. Deciduous trees had shed their leaves, and I was strolling along the street, my old shoes making rustling noises as they hit the ground.
10. It was cold and the icy wind prickled his skin, and he tried to restrain himself from crying with pain.
 

Tarheel

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First sentence. I would tend to think of a fog doing that moreso than a mist.

For the second sentence you could say Peter asked himself if his wife was cheating on him.
 

Bassim

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Tarheel,
I am wondering if I could rephrase the sentence No 2 like this:
Peter was happy in his marriage until one day a doubt crept up on him, and he asked himself if his wife was cheating on him. ( I wanted to use, "crept up on him)
 

Tarheel

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Tarheel,
I am wondering if I could rephrase the sentence No 2 like this:
Peter was happy in his marriage until one day a doubt crept up on him, and he asked himself if his wife was cheating on him. ( I wanted to use, "crept up on him)

Yes. You can use "was unfaithful" as in the original. But "cheating on" might be a bit more natural.

Doubts can creep up on you. They can also nag at you.
 

Bassim

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Tarheel,
What about this sentence? Is it correct?

Doubts crept up on me if I would ever finish my novel.
 

Tarheel

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Sentence three. I would say she waited for the doctor to tell her the results of the tests.

Sentence four. It should be "Venetian blinds" there. (Typo?)
 

Bassim

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In my dictionary "Venetian blind" is singular. Should I write it in plural "Venetian blinds?"
 

Tarheel

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Sentence five. Say the girl's shoulders heaved with sobs.

Sentence six. Fogs aren't lit at all, but they do block the sun. Maybe the fog was so dense that John couldn't see what was in it. Maybe that's what he was afraid of -- the unknown.
 
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Bassim

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It was not the fog that was lit but the path. It was night.
 

Tarheel

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In my dictionary "Venetian blind" is singular. Should I write it in plural "Venetian blinds?"

I have never heard it used that way. It is always "Venetian blinds" (probably because there are about 50 of those slats in each set).

Say:

Should I write in plural "Venetian blinds"?
 

Tarheel

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It was not the fog that was lit but the path. It was night.

Because of the fog the light was dim. John couldn't see very well. He was scared because of what he couldn't see. And because of what he imagined was there.
 

Tarheel

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Sentence seven. Say the woman made noises like she was going to vomit and you moved away from her so your suit wouldn't get soiled.

Sentence eight is fine as is.
 

Tarheel

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Sentence nine is not terrible, but how about:

The leaves made satisfying crunching noises as I walked on them.

(The rustling sound is made by the wind blowing the leaves across the ground.)

For sentence ten it makes more sense to me that the person is shivering than that he is crying in pain (although the wind can be so cold that it brings tears to a person's eyes.)
 

Tarheel

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Have you ever read Carl Sandburg's poem "Fog"?

Fog

The fog moves on little cat feet,
Sits on its haunches overlooking city and harbor,
And then moves on.
 
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