[Vocabulary] please, check my quiote

Hi! Please check my quote (or a kind of epigram) for making sense. What you see here is an attept to make a wordplay.

I did my best, yet not enough, I guess I've missed my vital shot
And now my happiness depends on shots of poison in my blood

b.a.d. said:

Hi! Please check my quote (or a kind of epigram) for making sense. What you see here is an attempt to make a wordplay.

I did my best, yet not enough, I guess I've missed my vital shot
And now my happiness depends on shots of poison in my blood

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I actually really like this. For a non-native speaker, it's very impressive. It rhymes. It scans. I don't know for sure what "my vital shot" refers to but it strikes me that your wordplay has been very effective.

Well, thanks. By "vital shot" I mean "opportunity of a lifetime". That's were I wasn't sure about the wordplay, but now I guess it's ok. Thank you)

emsr2d2 said:

It rhymes.

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It doesn't in my variety of English.

5jj said:

It doesn't in my variety of English.

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I can't even pretend to know what I meant when I wrote that. It doesn't rhyme at all! Perhaps I was thinking of the rhythm, but I covered that by saying "It scans". What can I say? I'm a twonk.