The pizza delivery system.

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Jit833

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The pizza delivery system is a system to keep track and to keep a record of all the pizza delivery orders. Each delivery will have an invoice and it will be scanned before the pizza will be given to a driver. After it has been scanned, the information of the particular order will be transferred to the system. The information will include, the name of the driver, the time of delivery and invoice number. If anything go wrong, each order can be tracked or traced by invoice number.



I hope somebody can tell me if the above paragraph is understandable. Thank you. :)
 

emsr2d2

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The pizza delivery system is a system to [STRIKE]keep[/STRIKE] track and to keep a record of all the pizza delivery orders. Each delivery order [STRIKE]will have[/STRIKE] generates an invoice [STRIKE]and it[/STRIKE] which [STRIKE]will be[/STRIKE] is scanned before the pizza [STRIKE]will be[/STRIKE] is given to a driver. After it has been scanned, [STRIKE]the information of the particular order[/STRIKE] the order information [STRIKE]will be[/STRIKE] is transferred to the system. The information [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] includes (no comma) the [STRIKE]name of the driver[/STRIKE] driver's name, the [STRIKE]time of delivery[/STRIKE] delivery time and invoice number. If anything goes wrong, each order can be tracked or traced by invoice number.



I hope somebody can tell me if the above paragraph is understandable. Thank you. :)

It's understandable but it contains the word "the" an awful lot! I have made some amendments. You started with "The delivery system is ..." but then continued with "will be". I have put it all in the present tense for consistency. If this system has not yet been invented/created/put into use, you could use "will be" but you need to change the first sentence to "The pizza delivery system will track ..."
 
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