please please am new to this forum and i just want an estimated grade and some points please help.
here is my essay:
It all started out unexpectedly. The storm began to get worse, sounds of the storm roared the atmosphere, with rage. Everything felt like a blur. Fog spurred over the plains of the battlefield, it was as if the battlefield was abandoned, because of silence that brought cries to each to each dead soul. I could see the soldiers getting ready, praying for there last. Time was running, fast as an earthquake destroys land within seconds. It was coming to dawn, brave troops waiting to fight for revenge, to quench their thirst of anger with fresh blood.
The storm stopped, soldiers rushed out onto the battlefield, as fast as a bull, hunting its prey. I could hear air rifles shooting from every angle, sharp like a glimpse of an eye. Vultures flying in circles, ready to dig through dead battered corpses and eat the dead flesh. The ground was scattered with body parts detached from the dead bodies: hands, arms, feet’s and heads.
All of a sudden, I had an urge of walking across the battlefield, it was an awakening response, my heart was racing fast, as I slowly walked through the jaws of death. As I was walking I stopped, it got to a point where I couldn’t talk no more. I stood still and froze in isolation and a thought, cropped up in my mind, though, I don’t mind looking at dead flesh; I wouldn’t want my flesh to be eaten by creatures. This thought was eating me inside, the sense of reality had been established, I knew this wasn’t a dream. The thought was mortally scary, that I couldn’t take it any longer. All I felt was loneliness and pain, as one day every living soul will bear such a punishment, they will taste death the true reality of life, and one must go through. While I was thinking looking at the deceased, brought another strong thought to my mind. The bodies that lie here will perish one day, they will lie here for days, months and years. But, eventually these bodes lying here will disintegrate, the flawless skin will perish, but all that will remain is hollow bones. Suddenly, my heart started pounding from my chest, moist soaked to the skin, from my cold head. Sweat was streaming down my disturbed face. I turned pale and collapsed on the ground, trying to yearn for breath. I got up slowly and felt energy growing inside me, as my body began to feel warm my temperature began to return back to its normal state. I was woken up from my fears, my heart rendered of unnaturalness. I felt like a supernatural being. I continued, deeper into the wilderness and trying to think of what other vulnerable images, which lie in the mysterious desolate field.
Suddenly, someone grabbed me and held a torrential pistol on my head. He was forcing me to betray my native country, repeatedly I refused and out of nowhere I was pounded on the head with a Pistol, thick blood was pouring down from my left eye. I was blind as a bat; yet, I do not like bats. Slowly I was losing consciousness my vision grew fainter, my eyes drooped down it was as if my body organs were declining. Their, I was paralyzed and trying, to regain consciousness again. There were two bodyguards holding me from my numb, fragile neck. They shoved me in a black jeep and took me back to the battlefield.
Finally, we arrived at the battlefield, where my soldier’s bodies laid. They opened the car and threw me out; again I could here the sounds of air rifles, bullets piercing through brave soldiers as I laid helplessly, my heart was being punctured with innocent cries of pain. One of our great soldiers was heavily wounded; he was bleeding internally, the deathly bullet plundered deep through his lungs. He was drowning in his own thick blood, as he was gasping for breath. Blood poured mercilessly out of his deep wounded chest. You could see the torn light pink lung inflating quickly, there was so much blood being lost. You could see his veins clotted in blood, ripped open from his lungs. The blood also gushed out from his deformed mouth, his pupils started to fade which was a sign of his departure. As he took his last, final breath he fled from this world.
I felt terrified my eyes grew small I tried to get up but I couldn’t I felt vulnerable my eyes went red I grew of anger, then I realized death is inevitable. Along with the other soldiers it was my turn to join them. But, my death was something more tolerable, nothing like being slaughtered in an inhumane way, like my fellow soldiers. However, even though we all died in the end, there is morale to this. That death can approach us at anytime or anyplace. We died as martyrs but every human will die of a different cause. Therefore, take life as an ultimate test and face every calamity, as it comes. This was my last message as slowly the temperature of my body fell rapidly; my rival succeeded my heart stopped...
here is my essay:
It all started out unexpectedly. The storm began to get worse, sounds of the storm roared the atmosphere, with rage. Everything felt like a blur. Fog spurred over the plains of the battlefield, it was as if the battlefield was abandoned, because of silence that brought cries to each to each dead soul. I could see the soldiers getting ready, praying for there last. Time was running, fast as an earthquake destroys land within seconds. It was coming to dawn, brave troops waiting to fight for revenge, to quench their thirst of anger with fresh blood.
The storm stopped, soldiers rushed out onto the battlefield, as fast as a bull, hunting its prey. I could hear air rifles shooting from every angle, sharp like a glimpse of an eye. Vultures flying in circles, ready to dig through dead battered corpses and eat the dead flesh. The ground was scattered with body parts detached from the dead bodies: hands, arms, feet’s and heads.
All of a sudden, I had an urge of walking across the battlefield, it was an awakening response, my heart was racing fast, as I slowly walked through the jaws of death. As I was walking I stopped, it got to a point where I couldn’t talk no more. I stood still and froze in isolation and a thought, cropped up in my mind, though, I don’t mind looking at dead flesh; I wouldn’t want my flesh to be eaten by creatures. This thought was eating me inside, the sense of reality had been established, I knew this wasn’t a dream. The thought was mortally scary, that I couldn’t take it any longer. All I felt was loneliness and pain, as one day every living soul will bear such a punishment, they will taste death the true reality of life, and one must go through. While I was thinking looking at the deceased, brought another strong thought to my mind. The bodies that lie here will perish one day, they will lie here for days, months and years. But, eventually these bodes lying here will disintegrate, the flawless skin will perish, but all that will remain is hollow bones. Suddenly, my heart started pounding from my chest, moist soaked to the skin, from my cold head. Sweat was streaming down my disturbed face. I turned pale and collapsed on the ground, trying to yearn for breath. I got up slowly and felt energy growing inside me, as my body began to feel warm my temperature began to return back to its normal state. I was woken up from my fears, my heart rendered of unnaturalness. I felt like a supernatural being. I continued, deeper into the wilderness and trying to think of what other vulnerable images, which lie in the mysterious desolate field.
Suddenly, someone grabbed me and held a torrential pistol on my head. He was forcing me to betray my native country, repeatedly I refused and out of nowhere I was pounded on the head with a Pistol, thick blood was pouring down from my left eye. I was blind as a bat; yet, I do not like bats. Slowly I was losing consciousness my vision grew fainter, my eyes drooped down it was as if my body organs were declining. Their, I was paralyzed and trying, to regain consciousness again. There were two bodyguards holding me from my numb, fragile neck. They shoved me in a black jeep and took me back to the battlefield.
Finally, we arrived at the battlefield, where my soldier’s bodies laid. They opened the car and threw me out; again I could here the sounds of air rifles, bullets piercing through brave soldiers as I laid helplessly, my heart was being punctured with innocent cries of pain. One of our great soldiers was heavily wounded; he was bleeding internally, the deathly bullet plundered deep through his lungs. He was drowning in his own thick blood, as he was gasping for breath. Blood poured mercilessly out of his deep wounded chest. You could see the torn light pink lung inflating quickly, there was so much blood being lost. You could see his veins clotted in blood, ripped open from his lungs. The blood also gushed out from his deformed mouth, his pupils started to fade which was a sign of his departure. As he took his last, final breath he fled from this world.
I felt terrified my eyes grew small I tried to get up but I couldn’t I felt vulnerable my eyes went red I grew of anger, then I realized death is inevitable. Along with the other soldiers it was my turn to join them. But, my death was something more tolerable, nothing like being slaughtered in an inhumane way, like my fellow soldiers. However, even though we all died in the end, there is morale to this. That death can approach us at anytime or anyplace. We died as martyrs but every human will die of a different cause. Therefore, take life as an ultimate test and face every calamity, as it comes. This was my last message as slowly the temperature of my body fell rapidly; my rival succeeded my heart stopped...