[Essay] What is the main fuction of advertisements?

Be Strong said:

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?


Popular as advertisements on TV are,[STRIKE] many people still debate over what is the main function of them. Some claim that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Others[/STRIKE], myself included,[STRIKE] are of the opinion that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need.[/STRIKE]
You don't need to waste words by repeating the question or pointing out that it's contentious. You've already just been told the bit I've crossed out. That leaves you to learn how to write an introduction.
One good thing you've done is to state where you stand on the matter. The rest is padding - apart from your assertion that advertising is popular, which is original.

First of all, advertising encourages us to define ourselves by what we own rather than who we are.
Good point!
In the form of videos with sound and music, advertisements are shown lively[?] and constantly on TV with far too many products such as shampoo, citronella, washing-powder, etc. These products are usually exaggerated to attract viewers’ attention.
What is exaggerated?
Unintentionally, advertising causes rivalries among people. There are times when some spend a lot of money trying to keep up with their neighbours. They buy the latest model cars, have all the latest gadgets in their homes, and live a lifestyle beyond their bdugets. Consequently, advertisements encourage a competition of false values and shallow measurements of what matters in our lives.
Good.

Secondly [STRIKE]of all[/STRIKE], advertisements are continuously shown on TV, which sometimes annoys many viewers. Commonly, every entertainment show on TV has some breaks that last about five minutes. During these breaks, viewers have to watch numerous commercials that annoy them [STRIKE]fo[/STRIKE] by interrupting their favorite shows. The question here is whether those advertisements are of much help or not. Some put it down to that TV stations want to prolong the shows with a few advertisements, yet most people see that the commercials are on screen for advertisers’ profit. TV watchers do not want to buy any products then, they just want to watch their favourite show without any interruption. Moreover, in those cases, people in front of their small screens do not only take notice of whatever advertisements flashes onscreen, but they also wish advertisers would stop making profit with their promotion on TV.
Good. Yet viewers also want free TV. Who pays for it?
To sum up, advertising obviously brings us many downsides. We need to consider it more carefully in order not to let it run our lives.

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Raymott said:

This is pretty good. You have taken time with your grammar and punctuation etc. You make a good argument - within the limits of the words you're allowed.
You might try to make your introduction more original. I don't think they give points for basically repeating the question. Whatever question they ask, some people are going to agree and others disagree, and it's going to be contentious. Take all that for granted and write something new.

Your second argument suffers a little from blaming TV advertisements for spoiling your TV. If the advertisements weren't there, you wouldn't have free TV.

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Be Strong said:

Thank you very much! :-D:-D:-D So can you re-write the introduction of this essay for me? I would appreciate it very much!

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Raymott said:

Why don't you have a try first? Look at some other essays, and see how they manage to say something different (if they do).

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Be Strong said:

I have re-written my essay's introduction. Raymott, please check it for me:

Popular as advertisements on TV are, many still argue over what is the main function of them. For my own part, I am of the opinion that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need.

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Raymott said:

That's an improvement. You could consider something like: TV advertising is a complex industry. While there is some merit in the argument that it is useful, my opinion is that the negative effects outweigh the positive effects.

You should build up a small collection of approaches to your introduction that don't merely repeat the question. Eg:
- While there is some evidence for (Opinion A), the points I outline below convince me that (Opinion B) is more truthful.

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Be Strong said:

Thanh you very very much! ;-);-);-) What about this paragraph?

In the form of videos with sound and music, advertisements are shown lively[?] and constantly on TV with far too many products such as shampoo, citronella, washing-powder, etc. These products are usually exaggerated to attract viewers’ attention.

As I was saying, should I re-write it or just remove it from my essay? I feel this paragaph is somewhat not in argeement with the the first point. So what do you think?

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Raymott said:

The paragraph itself is OK. But "to show something lively" is not good English.
I think you mean "the claims made for these products are exaggerated"- ie. what the products can realistically do is exaggerated. Again, just saying that the products themselves are exaggerated is not good writing.

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