[Grammar] Hello, please check my writing task 1 for ielts, espaccially grammar

Rina2704 · Oct 15, 2016

The line graph demonstrate teenagers who keep a vegetarian diet from 1960 till 2000.
Since 1960 adolesents actively started adhere a vegetarian diet. As showed on the graph from 1960 till 1980 there was a gradually rise at 16 per sent. Following by a moderate fall until 1990. since then, there was observed a fluctuation until 2000. After fluctuation it raising slightly and then it levelled off.
Overall, the graph shows that a vegeterian diet was popular from 1960 since 1980, but then is losed value and dipped, however it starts to rise in 2010 and remains the same.

99 words

emsr2d2 · Oct 17, 2016

Rina2704 said:
The line graph demonstrate the number/percentage of teenagers who [STRIKE]keep[/STRIKE] followed a vegetarian diet from 1960 till 2000.

[STRIKE]Since[/STRIKE] In 1960, [STRIKE]adolescents[/STRIKE] they actively started to adhere to a vegetarian diet. As [STRIKE]showed[/STRIKE] shown on the graph, from 1960 till 1980, there was a [STRIKE]gradually[/STRIKE] gradual rise [STRIKE]at[/STRIKE] of 16 per cent, followed[STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] by a moderate fall until 1990. Since then, [STRIKE]there was observed a[/STRIKE] the percentage fluctuated[STRIKE]ion[/STRIKE] until 2000. After the fluctuation, it [STRIKE]raising[/STRIKE] rose slightly and then it levelled off.

Overall, the graph shows that a vegetarian diet was popular from 1960 [STRIKE]since[/STRIKE] until 1980, but then [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] it [STRIKE]losed[/STRIKE] lost value and dipped. However, it started to rise in 2010 and remains the same. (That doesn't make sense. It can't start to rise and remain the same.)

See my corrections above. Some of it isn't logical but without seeing the graph, I can't work out what it should say.

You said that the graph only covers the years 1960 to 2000 but in your piece you talk about what happened after 2000, particularly what happened in 2010. If the piece is based on the graph, you can only talk about the years from 1960 to 2000.

Rina2704 · Oct 17, 2016

I am sorry, this is the picture of task and thank you so much for correcting wy work. I will be work better

[Grammar] Hello, please check my writing task 1 for ielts, espaccially grammar

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