HELP to Correct Grammar Mistakes (Thank you in advance)

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lindalinda1228

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[FONT=&quot]The Family in Exile: Loyalist Social Values after the Revolution[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Arguments:[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Loyalists were loyal to the British King either because they were scared of what would have happen to them if they decided to follow American rules.

Main Points: Loyalists were British North American colonists who remained loyal to the King of England during and after the American Revolutionary. The author Ann Gorman Condon uses family personal letters to describe the loyalist families. The first letter was from Massachusetts, Boston, Loyalist Edward Winslow to his wife Mary. In 1784, he was in Halifax looking for a job and wrote to his wife. In the letter he talked about his feelings for her and fashionable ladies of Halifax. In addition to, in 1799, Beverley Robinson, heard that Nancy was lacking of confidence with her look. As a result, he decided to write her a letter. He explained in the letter that he loves her for who she is and not the appearance. Her last example was a 47 year old bachelor Jonathan Bliss, who married a young wife, Mary Worthngton. Both had showed that how much they loved each other. Beside that Bliss was happier because he was free from the loneliness life. Sadly after spending time together and their four children, Mary died when giving birth to their fifth child. Bliss would always remember her for making him the “happiest man” in New Brunswick. As a result, men, women, and the children in the Loyalist families showed their love and care to each other after the Revolution. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Evidence: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Most of the loyalist marriages in the loyalist families have lasted very long during that time.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Assessment: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Overall,[/FONT][FONT=&quot] It is fascinating story. Also, no matter how much struggle they faced during the Revolution, but they kept family relations close. [/FONT]
 

emsr2d2

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The Family in Exile: Loyalist Social Values after the Revolution

Arguments:
Loyalists were loyal to the British King either because they were scared of what would [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] happen to them if they decided to follow American rules.
You have used either but have then only given one possibility. If you have "either", then you must have "or" as well. So they were loyal "either because they were scared......OR........(some other reason).

Main Points: Loyalists were British North American colonists who remained loyal to the King of England during and after the American Revolutionar[STRIKE]y[/STRIKE]
. The author Ann Gorman Condon uses [STRIKE]family personal[/STRIKE] personal family letters to describe the loyalist families. The first letter was from Boston, Massachussets, from Loyalist Edward Winslow to his wife Mary. In 1784, he was in Halifax looking for a job and wrote to his wife. In the letter he talked about his feelings for her and about the fashionable ladies of Halifax. In addition [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE], in 1799, Beverley Robinson[STRIKE],[/STRIKE] heard that Nancy was lacking in confidence [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] about her looks. As a result, he decided to write her a letter. He explained in the letter that he loves her for who she is and not [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] for her appearance. Her last example was a 47 year old bachelor Jonathan Bliss, who married a young [STRIKE]wife[/STRIKE] woman, Mary Worthngton. Both had [STRIKE]showed[/STRIKE] shown [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] how much they loved each other. [STRIKE]Beside that[/STRIKE] Bliss was happy because he was free from [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] his lonely life. Sadly, after spending [STRIKE]time[/STRIKE] some years together and [STRIKE]their[/STRIKE] having had four children, Mary died [STRIKE]when[/STRIKE] while giving birth to their fifth child. Bliss would always remember her for making him the “happiest man” in New Brunswick. As a result (*as a result of what?), men, women, and the children in the Loyalist families showed their love and care [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] for each other after the Revolution.

Evidence:
Most of the loyalist marriages [STRIKE]in the loyalist families[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] lasted [STRIKE]very[/STRIKE] a long time during that period.

Assessment:
Overall, It is fascinating story. Also, no matter how much struggle they faced during the Revolution, [STRIKE]but[/STRIKE][STRIKE]they kept family relations close[/STRIKE], family relationships remained close.


My suggestions are marked in red.
 
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