[Cover Letter] Cover Letter correction

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sheo

New member
Joined
Aug 17, 2015
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
German
Home Country
Germany
Current Location
Germany
Hello guys,

I'm from germany and I will apply for an internship in the USA.
I would really appreciate if you took a closer look to my cover letter and made the corrections that are needed.
Thank you in advance! :)


Dear xxxx,

I am writing to express my interest in an internship in 2016 at xxxx. Currently, I am studying Business Administration and Engineering: Mechanical Engineering (M.Sc.) with the specialization in Production Technology in the first semester at the xxxx University. During my bachelor’s degree in Business Administration and Engineering I had the opportunity to learn more detailed knowledge about production technology and machine tools apart from the basics.
While I was enrolled as an undergraduate student, I worked for the Laboratory for Machine Tools and xxxx. Apart from the professional knowledge about production engineering and quality management I learned to organize and plan my own projects.
Since the beginning of my studies I am particularly interested in high technology products. On this account I worked as an intern for the motorsport department at the xxxx. During this internship I participated in the development and definition of new logistical processes and worked a lot with the warehousing and material management. I learned a lot about mechanical components and their characteristics. What especially fascinated me was the importance of teamwork to get a technically complex racing car ready to race and ready to win. It is impressive to see the functional interaction of all the different components on the speedway.
To deepen my knowledge about high-tech industries I started working for the xxxx Institute in March this year. In the technology management department I learned a lot about different technologies and markets since I have participated in the scanning, scouting and monitoring of those. The task of Technology Forecasting is recognizing technological opportunities and risks to ensure competitive advantages. Through the assistance in various industrial and consulting projects I improved my structured and independent approach to work and my presentation skills.
In addition to my academic qualifications and prior working experience, I also believe that my ability to work efficiently together exhibits strong potential for collaboration in the form of an internship. For these reasons, I feel that I would be an asset to your company as an intern next summer.
Because of my prior knowledge and areas of interest I would like to work in Research and Development or Sales in the Machine Tools business field. I can start an internship as of April 2016, at the beginning of my second semester.
If you have any further questions I am always at your disposal. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,
xxxx.
 

teechar

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
Hello guys,

I'm from Germany, and I will apply for an internship in the USA.
I would really appreciate if you took a closer look [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] at my cover letter and made the corrections that are needed.
Thank you in advance!


Dear xxxx,

I am writing to express my interest in an internship [STRIKE]in 2016[/STRIKE] at xxxx starting in 2016. Currently, I am in the first semester studying for my M.Sc. in Business Administration and Engineering: Mechanical Engineering [STRIKE](M.Sc.)[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]with the specialization[/STRIKE] specializing in Production Technology [STRIKE]in the first semester[/STRIKE] at [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] xxxx University. During my bachelor’s degree in Business Administration and Engineering, I had the opportunity to [STRIKE]learn more[/STRIKE] acquire detailed knowledge [STRIKE]about[/STRIKE] of production technology and machine tools. [STRIKE]apart from the basics.[/STRIKE] Because of my prior knowledge and areas of interest, I would like to [STRIKE]work[/STRIKE] build a career in research and development or sales in the machine tools business. [STRIKE]field.[/STRIKE]

While I was enrolled as an undergraduate student, I worked for the Laboratory for Machine Tools at xxxx. Apart from the [STRIKE]professional knowledge about[/STRIKE] valuable experience I gained in production engineering and quality management, I learned to organize and plan my own projects.

Since the beginning of my studies I've been [STRIKE]am[/STRIKE] particularly interested in high-tech [STRIKE]nology[/STRIKE] products. On [STRIKE]this[/STRIKE] account of this, I worked as an intern for the motorsport department at the xxxx. During [STRIKE]this[/STRIKE] that internship, I participated in the development and definition of new logistical processes and worked a lot with [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] warehousing and material management. I learned a lot about mechanical components and their characteristics. What especially fascinated me was the importance of teamwork to get a technically complex racing car ready to race and ready to win. It is impressive to see the functional interaction of all the different components on the speedway.
To deepen my knowledge about high-tech industries, I started working for the xxxx Institute in March this year, in the technology management department where I learned a lot about different technologies and markets. [STRIKE]since I have participated in the scanning, scouting and monitoring of those.[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]The task of[/STRIKE] I've been involved in technology forecasting which is all about recognizing technological opportunities and risks to ensure competitive advantage. Through [STRIKE]the assistance[/STRIKE] my participation in various industrial and consulting projects, I improved my structured and independent approach to work [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] as well as my presentation skills.

In addition to my academic qualifications and prior work experience, I also believe that my ability to work efficiently within a team [STRIKE]together exhibits strong potential for collaboration in the form of[/STRIKE] would help me achieve success in the internship. For these reasons, I feel that I would be an asset to your company as an intern next summer.

I can start [STRIKE]an[/STRIKE] the internship as of April 2016, at the beginning of my second semester.

[STRIKE]If you have any further questions I am always at your disposal.[/STRIKE] I look forward to hearing from you and to answer any questions you may wish to ask.

Yours sincerely,
xxxx.
.
 
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