A Couple

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Bassim

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This is the first part of my short story A Couple. Please, would you correct my grammatical mistakes.

They came out of the woods into a meadow, holding hands - Adam and Eve of the 21th century. They were beautiful and exuded freshness and success. They were in their late twenties and had ambitious plans for the future. The meadow was bathing in the bright spring sun, giving the couple an aureole of dreamlike beauty. She was wearing a short, white dress, which accentuated her female body. Her well-shaped legs and feet in white walking shoes moved smoothly through the wild, uncut grass. Her long, wavy, blond hair stirred in the breeze. He was a head taller than she was, dressed in a cream linen shirt and shorts of the same colour. His hairy, suntanned legs ended in black walking shoes.
The meadow was filled with blooming wild flowers Above them the insects were buzzing, humming and flying from one flower to another. The women squatted down many a time, picked daisies, dandelions, poppies, cowslips and yarrows and gathered them into a bouquet. Occasionally he gave it to the man to hold it, while she waded through the grass searching for more flowers. Somewhere in the distance a cow was mooing, a dog barking, and a woodpecker hammering. This was the scene which every government in the world would like to show for their public. This was the moment when human beings feel united with the universe and do not yearn after God’s promised paradise now when they have created their own.

To be continued.
 
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emsr2d2

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This is the first part of my short story A Couple. Please, would you correct my grammatical mistakes.

They came out of the woods into a meadow, holding hands - Adam and Eve of the 21st century. They were beautiful and exuded freshness and success. They were in their late twenties and had ambitious plans for the future. The meadow was [STRIKE]bathing[/STRIKE] bathed in the bright spring sun, giving the couple an [STRIKE]aureole[/STRIKE] aura/halo of dreamlike beauty. She was wearing a short, white dress, which accentuated her female body. Her well-shaped legs, and feet in white walking shoes moved smoothly through the wild, uncut grass. Her long, wavy, blond hair stirred in the breeze. He was a head taller than she was, dressed in a cream linen shirt and shorts of the same colour. His [STRIKE]hairy[/STRIKE] (just not an attractive word or image) suntanned legs ended in black walking shoes.

The meadow was filled with blooming wild flowers. Above them the insects were buzzing, humming and flying from one flower to another. The woman squatted down many a time, picked daisies, dandelions, poppies, cowslips and yarrows and gathered them into a bouquet. Occasionally she gave it to the man to hold [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE], while she waded through the grass searching for more flowers. Somewhere in the distance a cow [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]mooing[/STRIKE] mooed, a dog [STRIKE]barking[/STRIKE] barked, and a woodpecker [STRIKE]hammering[/STRIKE] hammered. This was the scene which every government in the world would like to show [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] their public. This was the moment when human beings feel united with the universe and do not yearn after God’s promised paradise, [STRIKE]now[/STRIKE] when they have created their own.

To be continued.

I've made a few corrections in red. I must admit I was rather surprised at the end by the sudden introduction of the government into the story!
 
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Gillnetter

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This is the first part of my short story A Couple. Please, would you correct my grammatical mistakes.

They came out of the woods into a meadow, holding hands - Adam and Eve of the 21th century. They were beautiful and exuded freshness and success. They were in their late twenties and had ambitious plans for the future. The meadow was bathing in the bright spring sun, giving the couple an aureole of dreamlike beauty. She was wearing a short, white dress, which accentuated her female body. Her well-shaped legs and feet in white walking shoes moved smoothly through the wild, uncut grass. Her long, wavy, blond hair stirred in the breeze. He was a head taller than she was, dressed in a cream linen shirt and shorts of the same colour. His hairy, suntanned legs ended in black walking shoes.
The meadow was filled with blooming wild flowers Above them the insects were buzzing, humming and flying from one flower to another. The women squatted down many a time, picked daisies, dandelions, poppies, cowslips and yarrows and gathered them into a bouquet. Occasionally he gave it to the man to hold it, while she waded through the grass searching for more flowers. Somewhere in the distance a cow was mooing, a dog barking, and a woodpecker hammering. This was the scene which every government in the world would like to show for their public. This was the moment when human beings feel united with the universe and do not yearn after God’s promised paradise now when they have created their own.

To be continued.
In addition to the other comments I would add that "squatted down" does not fit well with the rest of the piece. "Squatted down" has some rather negative connotations. To squat is to move downward in a near sitting position. I suggest that you try "bent down", or, "Leaned down".
 
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