please correct me...

Status
Not open for further replies.

sirajud

Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Urdu
Home Country
Pakistan
Current Location
UK
His name was Aleem and he was an only child. Unfortunately war split out between two tribes and consequently many innocent people have lost their lives. Horizon of his town has covered by smoke of burning houses and human bodies .Aleem’s town which was a paradise on the earth in his eyes, became a village of terror and bloodshed.
Aleem’s parents were very worry regarding his safety. But didn’t know what to do. There is no way to go and no place to refuge. Because after long wait and hard struggle they founded a job and had settled down in that place. So they want to stay here and also they want to see the tree of their hopes to be thrive.
They like this area because they want to live, die and burred over here with the side of their parents grave.
But on the other hand they were very worry and want to leave this place before any calamity dropped over their life.
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
Sirajud, when does your essay have to be submitted to your teacher/tutor?
 

sirajud

Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Urdu
Home Country
Pakistan
Current Location
UK
On thursday 18/01/13
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
That's great. Then you have until 18th January to do the best you can. Your teacher wants to see your work, not ours. We do not assist with homework. You need to submit the best essay you can. After you get it back from your teacher with the score and the corrections, you can come back to the forum if you have any queries about the corrections.

Good luck with your essay.
 

sirajud

Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Urdu
Home Country
Pakistan
Current Location
UK
please can you just teel me if it is ok or i have to change some my writing .
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
Please can you just [STRIKE]teel[/STRIKE] tell me if it is [STRIKE]ok[/STRIKE] OK or do I have to change some of my writing?

You need to do some more work on it.
 

sirajud

Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Urdu
Home Country
Pakistan
Current Location
UK
I rewrite it please can you tell me now do i needsome more work or not?

You need to do some more work on it.

His name was Aleem and he was an only child. Unfortunately a war split out between two tribes and consequently many innocent people had lost their lives. Smoke of burning houses and human bodies has covered the horizon. Aleem’s town which called a paradise on an earth became a village of terror and bloodshed.
Aleem’s parents were very worry regarding his safety. But don’t know what to do. There was no way to go and no place for refuge. Because after long waiting and hard struggling they founded the job and has settled down in here. So they want to stay here for ever and also they want to see the tree of their hope to be thrive.
They like this area because they want to live, die and burred over here on the side of their parent’s grave.
But on the other hand they were very worry and want to leave this place before any calamity befall over their life.
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
Re: I rewrite it please can you tell me now do i needsome more work or not?

As I said, we can't help you with homework. You can't keep posting new versions here and hoping that we'll make corrections and amendments.
It still needs more work but, for now, I am closing this thread. Come back to us and open a new thread when you get your work back from your teacher if you don't understand any of the teacher's corrections.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top