[General] How to fix this sentence?

Status
Not open for further replies.

thakur_sanjeev

New member
Joined
Mar 30, 2006
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Hindi
Home Country
India
Current Location
India
I see something wrong with the sentence below. I have written this in an article I am currently working on.

There sure is tech savvy crowd among first lot of five hundred who bought <product> without causing big dent in their wallet.


Here five hundred means lot of <products> and not people. How do I rephrase it?
 

umerislam

New member
Joined
Dec 30, 2011
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Urdu
Home Country
Pakistan
Current Location
UK
I see something wrong with the sentence below. I have written this in an article I am currently working on.

There sure is tech savvy crowd among the first [STRIKE]lot of[/STRIKE] five hundred who bought <product> without causing big dent in their wallet.


Here five hundred means lot of <products> and not people. How do I rephrase it?

Umer
 

5jj

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Oct 14, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
Czech Republic
Current Location
Czech Republic
The people who bought the first five hundred without causing a dent in their wallets certainly included a number of tech savvy people. I am not sure about the relevance of the words I have underlined.
 

thakur_sanjeev

New member
Joined
Mar 30, 2006
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Hindi
Home Country
India
Current Location
India
The people who bought the first five hundred without causing a dent in their wallets certainly included a number of tech savvy people. I am not sure about the relevance of the words I have underlined.

Thanks. "Dent in the wallet" to me means something that did not cost me much. There is no formal idiom like this but I sure this being used (searched in google).
 

5jj

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Oct 14, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
Czech Republic
Current Location
Czech Republic
I know the expression; it just didn't seem relevant to the sentence as a whole.
 

Raymott

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2008
Member Type
Academic
Native Language
English
Home Country
Australia
Current Location
Australia
I see something wrong with the sentence below. I have written this in an article I am currently working on.

There sure is tech savvy crowd among first lot of five hundred who bought <product> without causing big dent in their wallet.


Here five hundred means lot of <products> and not people. How do I rephrase it?
Just a rephrase to make 500 refer to products and not people:
"There sure is tech savvy among the crowd who bought the first lot of five hundred products without causing a big dent in their wallets."
 

tedtmc

Key Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2006
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Malaysia
Current Location
Malaysia
Just a rephrase to make 500 refer to products and not people:
"There sure is tech savvy among the crowd who bought the first lot of five hundred products without causing a big dent in their wallets."

Shouldn't there be a 'the' before 'tech savvy'?
 

Raymott

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2008
Member Type
Academic
Native Language
English
Home Country
Australia
Current Location
Australia
Shouldn't there be a 'the' before 'tech savvy'?
No. In English we don't normally use an article before an abstract noun.
"There is technical understanding (tech savvy) among the crowd"
 

tedtmc

Key Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2006
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Malaysia
Current Location
Malaysia
No. In English we don't normally use an article before an abstract noun.
"There is technical understanding (tech savvy) among the crowd"

Oh, I was thinking about 'the people who are tech savvy' (adjective) - the tech savvy
 

Raymott

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2008
Member Type
Academic
Native Language
English
Home Country
Australia
Current Location
Australia
Oh, I was thinking about 'the people who are tech savvy' (adjective) - the tech savvy
I see. That's right. You could say "The tech savvy were among the crowd who bought ..."
The initial example was not good, so there are a few different understandings you could take from it.
 

thakur_sanjeev

New member
Joined
Mar 30, 2006
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Hindi
Home Country
India
Current Location
India
Thankyou everyone. This was first query here and now I know who to turn to when in doubt.
 

thakur_sanjeev

New member
Joined
Mar 30, 2006
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Hindi
Home Country
India
Current Location
India
I know the expression; it just didn't seem relevant to the sentence as a whole.

I will revisit this but there is some contextual information before this line in the article, so it does not look bad as a whole. Thanks.
 

jadams

New member
Joined
Jan 5, 2012
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Just a rephrase to make 500 refer to products and not people:
"There sure is tech savvy among the crowd who bought the first lot of five hundred products without causing a big dent in their wallets."

I agrees its about the first 500 products purchased by tech savvy people
 

Gretchenplay

Member
Joined
Nov 29, 2011
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
New Zealand
Current Location
South Korea
Could the problem be with tenses?

There sure is tech savvy crowd among first lot of five hundred who bought <product> without causing big dent in their wallet.

My try:
There sure was the tech savvy crowd who were among the first 500 to buy the product without causing a big dent in their wallets.

or

There sure is the tech savvy crowd who will be among the first 500 to buy the product, without making a dent in their wallets.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top