[Application] Application for undergraduate programme in Denmark

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RogalTTRR

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Joined
Mar 9, 2019
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Student or Learner
Native Language
Polish
Home Country
Denmark
Current Location
Denmark
Hello,

I'd like to ask if someone could evaluate my application for a bachelor programme to a university in Denmark done in accordance with the following guide:

https://ruc.dk/sites/default/files/2016-07/Guide_to_writing_your_motivational_letter.pdf

Dear Madam or Sir,

I am contacting you with the purpose of presenting my candidature as a student at Rosklide University’s International Bachelor of Natural Sciences programme. As I am unsatisfied with the prospect of continuing in my previous line of work, I have, for some time, considered radically changing the direction of my professional life through expanding my knowledge and academic competencies. Subjects such as the theory of natural science, logic and discrete mathematics, empirical data and statistics interest me a great deal. The interdisciplinary approach to matters within the broad area of natural sciences, however, is what motivated me most strongly to apply for Roskilde University. Science, understood by me as a quest for truth, is an undertaking which cuts through traditional boundaries of all sorts and thus requires a broad understanding of general principles of research and investigation to be fruitful. I believe that your university shares that vision and its programme is well designed to prepare its students to function effectively as modern practitioners of science. The inclusion of solid theoretical groundwork, as well as practical, problem-oriented project work, with a broad range of topics to choose from leads me to believe that I will be able to become one of those capable modern scientists by attending your programme.
My previous education as a technician of electronics specialising in industrial automatics familiarized me with the manner in which questions within the natural sciences are approached. Formal mathematical modeling of physical phenomena was introduced to me using concepts and tools from such fields as boolean algebra and complex numbers. I learned the basics of programming, gained knowledge of the physics and chemistry underlying various industrial processes especially those connected with electromagnetism. I gained experience with applying my skills in practice through project work. My academic interests after finishing my high school gravitated towards areas related to systems science. I have read about first and second-order cybernetics, information theory, neural networks, social systems and related subjects from such authors as Norbert Wiener, Heinz von Foerster, W.Ross Ashby, Niklas Luhmann and others. I hope to deepen and systematize my grasp of these scientific approaches and would cherish the opportunity to contribute to them.
I look forward to the possibility of contact with people that share a significant part of my interests and pursues. I enjoy discussing what I have read and learned and I am thrilled at the prospect of being stimulated by a broad range of diverse perspectives on meaningful subjects. I view modern science as a necessarily social undertaking and plan on trying to build social ties through shared work and mutual help with studies. Though many fields seem attractive to me I realize the need to specialize in order to be effective as a practitioner. Choosing the direction of my studies will be helped by gaining a better grasp of the type of work in any given area. I plan to do that during the first year. Should my studies go well I would like to continue in academia and will choose a project tailored to that goal but if an opportunity of doing interesting work in industry comes along I will not shy away from it.
I thank you for considering my application and look forward to your positive response.

With regards,
T.R.

Thanks for any and all help
 

teechar

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What's the application deadline?
 

EnglishArrow

Member
Joined
Feb 16, 2019
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
Colombia
Hello,

I'd like to ask if someone could evaluate my application for a bachelor programme to a university in Denmark done in accordance with the following guide:

https://ruc.dk/sites/default/files/2016-07/Guide_to_writing_your_motivational_letter.pdf

Dear Madam or Sir,

I am contacting you with the purpose of presenting my candidature as a student at Rosklide University’s International Bachelor of Natural Sciences programme. As I am unsatisfied with the prospect of continuing in my previous line of work, I have, for some time, considered radically changing the direction of my professional life through expanding my knowledge and academic competencies. Subjects such as the theory of natural science, logic and discrete mathematics, empirical data and statistics interest me a great deal. The interdisciplinary approach to matters within the broad area of natural sciences, however, is what motivated me [STRIKE]most strongly[/STRIKE] to apply for Roskilde University. Science,[STRIKE] understood by me as a quest for truth[/STRIKE], is an undertaking which cuts through traditional boundaries of all sorts and thus requires a broad understanding of general principles of research and investigation to be fruitful. I believe that your university shares that vision and its programme is well designed to prepare its students to function effectively as modern practitioners of science. The inclusion of solid theoretical groundwork, as well as practical, problem-oriented project work, with a broad range of topics to choose from leads me to believe that I will be able to become one of those capable modern scientists by attending your programme.
My previous education as a technician of electronics specialising in industrial automatics familiarized me with the manner in which questions within the natural sciences are approached. I was introduced to formal mathematical modeling of physical phenomena [STRIKE]was introduced to me[/STRIKE](avoid passive speech) using concepts and tools [STRIKE] from such fields as[/STRIKE] from fields such as boolean algebra and complex numbers. I learned the basics of programming, gained knowledge of the physics and chemistry underlying various industrial processes especially those connected with electromagnetism. I gained experience with applying my skills in practice through project work. My academic interests after finishing my high school gravitated towards areas related to systems science. I have read about first and second-order cybernetics, information theory, neural networks, social systems and related subjects from such authors as Norbert Wiener, Heinz von Foerster, W.Ross Ashby, Niklas Luhmann and others. I hope to deepen and systematize my grasp of these scientific approaches and would cherish the opportunity to contribute to them.
I look forward to the possibility of contact with people that share a significant part of my interests and pursues. I enjoy discussing what I have read and learned and I am thrilled at the prospect of being stimulated by a broad range of diverse perspectives on meaningful subjects. I view modern science as a necessarily social undertaking and plan on trying to build social ties through shared work and mutual help with studies. Though many fields seem attractive to me, I realize the need to specialize in order to be effective as a practitioner. Choosing the direction of my studies will be helped by gaining a better grasp of the type of work in any given area. I plan to do that during the first year. Should my studies go well I would like to continue in academia and will choose a project tailored to that goal but if an opportunity of doing interesting work in industry comes along I will not shy away from it.
I thank you for considering my application and look forward to your positive response.

With regards,
T.R.

Thanks for any and all help

Very well written in terms of English, I read over the guidelines and I will try to make some suggestions in terms of content. See below,

Some suggestions:

- Avoid irrelevant information. Example: "As I am unsatisfied with the prospect of continuing in my previous line of work..."
The admissions board does not want to read that you applied because you are bored, they want to know why choose this school in particular.

- Related to that, be more specific and use examples.
Your knowledge of the program (excuse my American English) comes through in the final sentences of the first paragraph. But it is good to use even more specific examples to really stand out. Consider mentioning specific tools you will have access to or a professor you admire because you're familiar with their research. Leave no doubt that you are specifically interested in this program.
There is no doubt your scientific knowledge is very impressive as shown in the second part. But take that one step further and tell us what you did with it! Tell us about the research you've worked on or methods you have used and what you produced.
Let me try to illustrate with an example from another discipline (programming*), which sounds better to you?
1. I have fantastic knowledge of C++, HTML, SQL, JavaScript and I am always learning new methodologies such as machine learning and data driven app development.
2. I have previously used my programming knowledge to help produce and application which helps expectant mothers find the best clinics according to their needs and location. We are trying to further develop the application by applying machine learning to produce more relevant results.
*please note I am not a programmer so this is very general

- I think you could also develop the third point from the guidelines a little more. Again give us concrete examples of what you will do as a student of the program and how you will be a part of the community. Universities like to see if you will be the kind of student who collaborates with others and do work for the university and not just for your own career. Will you be part of any clubs/competitions? Are you happy to work on a research team even if it is not your project? What will you do for the university after you graduate? Try to be specific in this point as well.

- Finally, avoid unnecessary wordiness. They are looking at the clarity of your purpose and not exactly how advanced your English ability is. Do not make sentences more complicated than they have to be just because you think you should use more complicated structure. Read it to yourself and ask yourself, is my purpose clear?
 
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