A young man's life...

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Gaya87

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Can anyone check my writing please, thanks.

Short summary
A young man's life is turned upside down after he embarks on a road trip with the love of his life, as they encounter something unexpected events which take a turn for the worse.

Long summary
A happy-go-lucky young man embarks on a road trip with the love of his life. However, in an unexpected turn of events, he and his loved ones are embroiled in a high-risk situation, which demands that he rise to the occasion and stand his ground against the odds. What exactly happens during their trip?
 

Rover_KE

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What is it a summary of?
 

Gaya87

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A young man's life

Hi, I would really appreciate it if someone could check my writing below. Thank you.


Short summary
A young man's life is turned upside down after he embarks on a road trip with the love of his life, as they encounter something unexpected events which take a turn for the worse.

Long summary
A happy-go-lucky young man embarks on a road trip with the love of his life. However, in an unexpected turn of events, he and his loved ones are embroiled in a high-risk situation, which demands that he rise to the occasion and stand his ground against the odds. What exactly happens during their road trip? What is the cause behind this horrible nightmare?
 

tedmc

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Re: A young man's life

Hi, I would really appreciate it if someone could check my writing below. Thank you.


Short summary
A young man's life is turned upside down after he embarks on a road trip with the love of his life, as they encounter some[STRIKE]thing [/STRIKE]unexpected events which take a turn for the worse.

Long summary
A happy-go-lucky young man embarks on a road trip with the love of his life. However, in an unexpected turn of events, he and his loved ones are embroiled in a high-risk situation, which demands that he rise to the occasion and stand his ground against the odds. What exactly happens during their road trip? What is the cause behind this horrible nightmare?

How many people travelled with the young man?
 

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Say:

Please comment on my writing.

Perhaps:

A young man's life is turned upside down when he takes a road trip with the love of his life. Many surprising things happen to them.

Do not try to cram too much into one sentence.

Things have to be bad before they can go from bad to worse.
 

emsr2d2

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I have merged the two threads.
 

Tarheel

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Re: A young man's life

Rewrite the long summary. (The first sentence is okay, but the rest makes no sense.)
 

Gaya87

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Say:

Please comment on my writing.

Perhaps:

A young man's life is turned upside down when he takes a road trip with the love of his life. Many surprising things happen to them.

Do not try to cram too much into one sentence.

Things have to be bad before they can go from bad to worse.


Noted. I will rewrite the both summaries. Thank you.
 

Gaya87

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Revised summary

Short summary
A young man's life is turned upside down after he embarks on a road trip with the love of his life, which take a turn for the worse.

Long summary
A happy-go-lucky young man embarks on a road trip with the love of his life (the girl of his dreams). During the journey, they both grow closer but before they could confess their feelings to each other, life takes a terrible turn. Overnight, their lives change and things spiral out of control as they run for their life without a clue as to why they are being haunted. What exactly happens during their road trip? What is the cause behind this horrible nightmare?
 

emsr2d2

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A happy-go-lucky young man embarks on a road trip with the love of his life (the girl of his dreams). During the journey, they [STRIKE]both[/STRIKE] grow closer but before they could confess their feelings to each other, life takes a terrible turn. Overnight, their lives change and things spiral out of control as they run for their [STRIKE]life[/STRIKE] lives without a clue as to why they are being haunted. What exactly happens during their road trip? What is the cause [STRIKE]behind[/STRIKE] of this horrible nightmare?

See above. I have made a couple of corrections in red. I have also underlined all the verbs. Can you see which one is not consistent with all the others (look at the tense)?
 

Tarheel

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For the short summary, try:

A young man's life is turned upside down after he embarks on a road trip with the love of his life. They have one adventure after another.

(The original sentence takes an unfortunate turn for the weird.)
 

Tarheel

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Wouldn't "hunted" be better than "haunted"?
 

emsr2d2

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It depends what's happening to them. I assumed that this was some kind of ghost story and they were running for their lives from a scary spirit. I thought the idea of it being a "horrible nightmare" fitted with that too. That's why I left "haunted". However, you could be absolutely right and a real person was chasing them, in which case "hunted" would be correct.
 

Tarheel

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I didn't know it was supposed to be a ghost story. :-D
 

emsr2d2

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I don't know that either. That's just how I read it, but that might have been after I saw the word "haunted". It would be good if Gaya87 could shed some light on it.
 

Gaya87

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For the short summary, try:

A young man's life is turned upside down after he embarks on a road trip with the love of his life. They have one adventure after another.

(The original sentence takes an unfortunate turn for the weird.)

I'm still thinking how to make it the sentence a lil bit long.
 

Gaya87

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Gaya87

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I don't know that either. That's just how I read it, but that might have been after I saw the word "haunted". It would be good if Gaya87 could shed some light on it.

I’m extremely sorry, I didn’t know a word (haunted) can change the whole story and the understanding. First of all, this is not a ghost story (please see below for further understanding of the story). It should be hunted instead haunted. Based on my knowledge the word “nightmare” can apply for anything that narrates to unpleasant experience, am I right? So that’s the reason why I used the word “nightmare” in my sentence. After all the comments, now I feel my summary, it can be quite confusing for a reader.

Description:
When a young man plans for a bike long trip along with Leela, a friend of his sister, he falls in love with her actually. During the journey, they meet with a terrible accident he injures and breaks his shoulder at the same day Leela’s parents were injured and her father doesn't seem to get alive. Thus, they feel something was wrong and that wasn't an accident. They come to know that it was a plan to kill Leela, and he decides to save Leela and his family. Basically this is the story.

Basically,I don't want to mention that they meet with an accident in the summary, I guess it wont be that thrill to speak out the real incidents. Let me know if you have any concern. Thank you.
 
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