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    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 1

    Errors and a little help?

    I was given this task:

    Quote Originally Posted by paper
    Describe the view from your bedroom window. (27 Marks)

    It suggested to write 2 pages in normal sized handwriting, and normally I am never at a..Loss with what to write. I always have some kind of idea, or something but im not usually good at discriptive writing anyway and I am pulling a blank.

    I am 14 years old from the UK and we have recently started getting given GCSE grades instead of the KS3 grades, and my previous grades have been:
    Ks3 grades:
    [EG. 6a is higher than 6b and 6b is higher than 6c - The average at the end of year 9 in the UK is a 6b-c]

    GCSE grades:

    My work so far:
    The view out of my window
    Looking out my window, you can see vivid colours, spectacular shapes, and compelling sights.
    As time passes, the view differs; mystical greens turn to fiery reds, and muddy browns. Leaves fall, new leaves grow. There is a constant cycle of life just outside my window that includes gigantic trees, families of birds and even miniscule insects hiding in the lush green grass.
    The first thing that catches my eye is the large ancient eucalyptus tree seemingly staring back at me with its knotted yet smooth trunk and leaves like glistening teardrops in the sun. The lower branches seep onto the gravel hewn driveway that has its guard of conifers in their deep green uniform.
    Nearer the house, I can see the unmoving cars lurking in the shadow of my decrepit, antique garage, filled with junk that nobody uses or would ever want to use. The cream door is dented in places, making it look weathered, and wind-beaten. ButÖItís a part of the scenery nonetheless.
    Sticking out of the ground like small Eiffel towers, buttercups are peeping through, reflecting the little amount of sun straight into my bedroom window, giving the room a slight hint of yellow.
    At the end of the garden, I can see a small pile of brown leaves that have been scraped into a pile. Soon that pile will be huge, and the trees will be bare just in time for winter yet again.
    Through the trees in the background

    Looking up, I see a multitude of fluffy clouds with a slight grey hue. They make the entire view overcast, cold and slightly gloomy. If they werenít there, it would be beautifully sunny, with heat to go with it. I donít like the cold.

    In the distance I can see 3 square fields, all filled with ripe corn ready to be harvested, seemingly glowing in the weak rays of the sun.

    As you can see I didnt really know what to put, and mostly waffled on about the garden.
    Any tips? Ideas? Errors?


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434

    Re: Errors and a little help?

    If that is what you see, then there is nothing wrong with waffling about the garden, but make sure you keep to either first or second person narrative. You also start with Looking out my window, you can see vivid colours, spectacular shapes, and compelling sights", but your text does not seem to fill out these. What are the "compelling sights"?

    As to your question about the "Current Location" in personal details, you will notice how many of our members come from one country and are living/working in another. It can help to know this. Also, at 14 you are really a student rather an an academic.

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