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    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 6

    Mom trying to go back to school needs help with proofreading of a scholarship essay

    I need this scholarship badly, so if anyone could proofread this for me I would be forever grateful. Thank you so much.

    The Dream Becomes Reality

    I have always had dreams that relate to the betterment of the human race. Whenever my mom would talk about me with others, she would always say same thing, ďKaren has been trying to save the world since she was five.Ē Saving the world may be a stretch, but impacting the lives of those around me is not.

    I began having an unrelenting urge to mentor adolescent girls when I was just a girl myself. At the time, I didnít realize that the actions that I was taking were that of mentorship, but as an adult I now understand. I just couldnít be fulfilled in my own life without helping the girl who was sexually abused, helping the girl who didnít have her father in her life or simply trying to help someone with a homework assignment.

    I know that society has come a long way in regards to a womanís worth, but we have so much farther to go. I am a thirty seven year old married mother of two small children and I lost a great job opportunity to a twenty five year old single man. Always looking to better myself, I asked the manager if he could provide me with any constructive criticism in reference to my resumeí or interview skills that may benefit me in the future. I was told that I didnít receive the job because I had children and the other applicant did not. The other applicant wasnít awarded the position on merit, but rather his personal status. I was silent from shock. Another door slammed in my face only fueled my perseverance.

    My vision encompasses many things, but the core of that is empowerment to women. I have made a difference in each company that I have been employed with, but there always seems to be a false boundary that I am unable to cross. The opportunity of an education, both academically as well as personally, with CU is what I have been searching for. While earning my Bachelorís Degree, I will acquire the tools needed to see my vision come to complete fruition.

    I am a woman with vision, purpose and passion. Every person on this planet can make a difference should their heart desire and mine does. I have a 4-year-old daughter who is now my driving force for change. I must show her that she can do anything and be anything that she desires, as well as helping her to cultivate an excellent character. My belief is that we, as women ourselves, have a responsibility to the female youth in our community whether it be something as simple as holding a hand through a difficult time or making sure that she knows her dreams can become reality.

  1. Member Donator
    Retired English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 106

    Re: Mom trying to go back to school needs help with proofreading of a scholarship ess

    I commend your initiative on returning to school. Over 20 years ago, I was in the same position; therefore, I would like to assist you in proofing this essay. Have you ever used Google documents? It allows the author to share work in draft form to be reviewed and commented on. It would make it much easier for me to annotate your errors (there are few).

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 6

    Re: Mom trying to go back to school needs help with proofreading of a scholarship ess

    Google documents...kind of lost on that one. What should I do and thank you for your assistance.


    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 6

    Re: Mom trying to go back to school needs help with proofreading of a scholarship ess

    Ok I think I figured it out. Here is the link to my essay.

    The Dream Becomes Reality - Google Docs

    This is under my husband's login, just in case it looked odd to you. Thanks again.

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