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    #1

    ... education is the pathway that kids, "need to make the most of their abilities ...

    Hello.

    http://www.timeforkids.com/TFK/kids/news/story/0,28277,1915609,00.html
    President Barack Obama believes that education is the pathway that kids, "need to make the most of their abilities; to make the most of their opportunities; to make the most of their lives." But not all Americans are enjoying the same opportunities. Hispanic Americans drop out of high school at a higher rate than other Americans. Juan Sepulveda, the director of the White House Initiative on Educational Excellence for Hispanic Americans, is on a mission to find out how to address this serious issue.

    Do you think the first sentence is well written? There's a comma right after the "kids."
    Woudn't it be better to write: ... education is the pathway that kids need in order to make the most of their abilities, to make the most of their opportunities, and to make the most of their lives?

    Thank you.

  1. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: ... education is the pathway that kids, "need to make the most of their abilities

    Quote Originally Posted by Daruma View Post
    Hello.

    http://www.timeforkids.com/TFK/kids/news/story/0,28277,1915609,00.html
    President Barack Obama believes that education is the pathway that kids, "need to make the most of their abilities; to make the most of their opportunities; to make the most of their lives." But not all Americans are enjoying the same opportunities. Hispanic Americans drop out of high school at a higher rate than other Americans. Juan Sepulveda, the director of the White House Initiative on Educational Excellence for Hispanic Americans, is on a mission to find out how to address this serious issue.

    Do you think the first sentence is well written? There's a comma right after the "kids."
    Woudn't it be better to write: ... education is the pathway that kids need in order to make the most of their abilities, to make the most of their opportunities, and to make the most of their lives?

    Thank you.
    No comma is needed.


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    #3

    Re: ... education is the pathway that kids, "need to make the most of their abilities

    1. Does the original sentece sound perfect if the comma is deleted?
    2. What do you think of my changes to the original sentence?

  2. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: ... education is the pathway that kids, "need to make the most of their abilities

    Quote Originally Posted by Daruma View Post
    1. Does the original sentece sound perfect if the comma is deleted?
    2. What do you think of my changes to the original sentence?
    I think your changes are fine. I think the original is awkward, but it seems to be quoting what was actually said, in the way it was said.

  3. Raymott's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: ... education is the pathway that kids, "need to make the most of their abilities

    Quote Originally Posted by Daruma View Post
    Hello.

    http://www.timeforkids.com/TFK/kids/news/story/0,28277,1915609,00.html
    President Barack Obama believes that education is the pathway that kids, "need to make the most of their abilities; to make the most of their opportunities; to make the most of their lives." But
    ...
    Do you think the first sentence is well written? There's a comma right after the "kids."
    Woudn't it be better to write: ... education is the pathway that kids need in order to make the most of their abilities, to make the most of their opportunities, and to make the most of their lives?

    Thank you.
    Yes, I can see your confusion and I agree with you. The original could easily be misread (as I did the first few times) as:
    ... education is the pathway that kids should make the most of their abilities ... which of course makes no sense, rather than:... education is the pathway kids require to make the most of their abilities ...
    It's a bad place to start the quote
    You could still quote Obama like this:
    President Barack Obama believes that education is the pathway that kids need in order "to make the most of their abilities; to make the most of their opportunities; to make the most of their lives."
    or quite a few other different ways.

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