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    • Join Date: Aug 2009
    • Posts: 12
    #1

    Unhappy Help my writing

    Topic: "Give your complain to the hotel where you have ever spent".

    Dear Mary,

    I have just comeback my home after I spent five nights at your hotel in ha Noi. THe staffs were very polite and friendly. However, every night I had to listen to noisy from outside of someone. The food of your hotel was very simple, only Pho I could eat, only chosen for my breakfast.

    Although your air-condition system was very good, but sometime mosquitoes appeared in my room. I had to use a blanket every night, I didn't like that because it was very hot. I liked opening windows when I was sleeping but I couldn't do that because I couldn't stand the noisy and mosquitoes.

    Beside that, you have the manager was very wonderful. She already helped and explained for me when I had any problem. For example, when I wanted to go somewhere, she introduced some beautiful places, the method I went to there easily.

    In my opinion, I think you can impove about windows so that won't any mosquitoes in rooms. In addition, you can make sure to keep silent for visitors whenever they return their room or they are sleeping.

    Hope to see you again in next year. By the way, I also like staying your hotel when I go to Ha Noi.

    Yours faithfully,

    Anna.

  1. #2

    Re: Help my writing

    Quote Originally Posted by htienganh View Post
    Topic: "Give your complain to the hotel where you have ever spent".

    Dear Mary,

    I have just comeback my home after I spent five nights at your hotel in ha Noi. THe staffs were very polite and friendly. However, every night I had to listen to noisy from outside of someone. The food of your hotel was very simple, only Pho I could eat, only chosen for my breakfast.

    Although your air-condition system was very good, but sometime mosquitoes appeared in my room. I had to use a blanket every night, I didn't like that because it was very hot. I liked opening windows when I was sleeping but I couldn't do that because I couldn't stand the noisy and mosquitoes.

    Beside that, you have the manager was very wonderful. She already helped and explained for me when I had any problem. For example, when I wanted to go somewhere, she introduced some beautiful places, the method I went to there easily.

    In my opinion, I think you can impove about windows so that won't any mosquitoes in rooms. In addition, you can make sure to keep silent for visitors whenever they return their room or they are sleeping.

    Hope to see you again in next year. By the way, I also like staying your hotel when I go to Ha Noi.

    Yours faithfully,

    Anna.
    The simple past tense was used many times. Many seem not correct. In my opinion, you should learn sentence by sentence first.

    The red should be reconsidered, in my view.
    Last edited by LeUyenHoc; 31-Aug-2009 at 15:36.


    • Join Date: Aug 2009
    • Posts: 12
    #3

    Re: Help my writing

    Dear Uyen Hoc,

    Thanks you very much for your comments.

    Best wishes.

  2. Newbie
    Student or Learner

    • Join Date: Aug 2009
    • Posts: 3
    #4

    Re: Help my writing

    thanx LeUyenHoc

    but you haven't written the right sentences

    as I know this website is for correcting not for discovering Mistakes


    please ..could you wirte the right sentences ? for learning only


    we are students ...


    thanx

  3. #5

    Re: Help my writing

    Quote Originally Posted by htienganh View Post
    Dear Uyen Hoc,

    Thanks you very much for your comments.

    Best wishes.
    This red must be reconsidered.

    Try yourself to correct first, please!

    Then I will give you more comments.
    Last edited by LeUyenHoc; 31-Aug-2009 at 21:32.

    • Member Info
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      • German
      • Home Country:
      • Germany
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

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    • Posts: 1,032
    #6

    Re: Help my writing

    Quote Originally Posted by htienganh View Post
    Topic: "Give your complain to the hotel where you have ever spent".

    Dear Mary, unless you know the manager of the hotel as a personal friend, you should not address her/him by their first name. It should be Ms. M. Smith or whatever.

    I have just comeback to my home after I spent five nights at your hotel in ha Noi. THe staffs staff was were very polite and friendly. However, every night I had to listen to noisy a lot of noise from outside my room of someone. The food of your hotel was very simple, only Pho I could eat, only chosen for my breakfast.

    Although your air-conditioning system was very good, but sometimes mosquitoes appeared in my room. I had to use a blanket every night,to keep from being bitten which I didn't like that because it was very hot. I liked opening the windows when I was sleeping but I couldn't do that because I couldn't stand the noisy noise and mosquitoes.

    Beside that, you have the manager your manager was very wonderful. She already helped and explained for things to me when I had any problem. For example, when I wanted to go somewhere, she introduced suggested some beautiful places, and explained the method I went to there easily of transportation to reach the places easily..

    In my opinion, I think you can impove about windows so that won't any mosquitoes in rooms. In addition, you can make sure to keep silent for visitors whenever they return their room or they are sleeping the way the windows in the rooms are used, so that mosquitoes cannot enter them. Also there needs to be something done about noise so that your guests can have a good night's sleep.

    I Hope to see you again in next year, By the way, for I also do like staying your hotel when I go to Ha Noi.

    Yours faithfully,

    Anna.
    Remove the bold, and add the red.

    I am not a teacher.


    • Join Date: Aug 2009
    • Posts: 12
    #7

    Smile Re: Help my writing

    Topic: "Give your complain to the hotel where you have ever spent".

    Dear Ms Mary Robinson,


    I have just come back to my home after I spent five nights at your hotel in Ha Noi. Your staffs were very polite and friendly. However, every night I had to listen to a lot of human noise outside my room. The meals of your hotel were very simple, only Pho I could eat, only chosen for my breakfast.

    Although your air-conditioning system was very good, but sometimes mosquitoes flew in my room. I had to use a blanket every night, to keep from being bitten which I didn't like that because it was very hot. I like openingwindows in my room when I am sleeping but I couldn't do that because I couldn't stand the noise and mosquitoes.

    Conversely, your manager staff was very wonderful. Shehelped and explained somethings to me when I had any problem. For example, when I wanted to go somewhere, she introduced some beautiful places to me, and gave the method I should use to reach the places easily.

    In my opinion, I think you can improve roomsso that mosquitoescan't flyenter there. In addition, there needs to be something done about noise so that your guests can have a good sleep at night.

    I hope to see you again in next year. By the way, I also do like staying your hotel when I go to Ha Noi.

    Yours faithfully,

    Anna.


    • Join Date: Aug 2009
    • Posts: 12
    #8

    Smile Re: Help my writing

    Dear all,

    Thank you very much for your comments.

    I am looking forward to receiving your ideas.

    Best wishes.

  4. misiania's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • Poland

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 243
    #9

    Re: Help my writing

    Quote Originally Posted by htienganh View Post
    Topic: "Give your complain to the hotel where you have ever spent".

    Dear Ms Mary Robinson,

    I have just come back to my home after I spent five nights at your hotel in Ha Noi. Your staffs were very polite and friendly. However, every night I had to listen to a lot of human noise coming from outside (of my room). The meals of your hotel were very simple (plain), only Pho I could eat, only chosen for my breakfast.

    Although your air-conditioning system was very good, but sometimes mosquitoes flew in my room. I had to use a blanket every night, to keep from being bitten which I didn't like that because it was very hot. I like openingwindows in my room when I am sleeping I like to have the windows open during the night but I couldn't do that because I couldn't stand the noise and mosquitoes.

    Conversely, your manager staff was very wonderful. Shehelped and explained somethings to me when I had any problem. For example, when I wanted to go somewhere, she introduced some beautiful places to me, and gave the method I should use to reach the places easily. and she gave directions.

    In my opinion, I think you can improve roomsso that mosquitoescan't flyenter there. In my opinion, something should be done to prevent mosquitoes flying in/entering the room.
    In addition, there needs to be something done about noise so that your guests can have a good sleep at night.

    I hope to see you again in next year. I hope to see you next year.
    By the way, I also do like staying in your hotel when I go to Ha Noi.

    Yours faithfully,
    Yours sincerely

    Anna.
    This is my suggestion. I would swap the text in red for the one in blue.
    I think staff is plural, so no need for an 's' on the end; one of the teachers would have to verify that though because I am not sure. Staffs just doesn't look good to me. (Please note: I am not a teacher).
    Rest of it looks pretty good.


    • Join Date: Aug 2009
    • Posts: 12
    #10

    Smile Re: Help my writing

    Hi, Misiania

    Thank you very much for your ideas.

    Best wishes.

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