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  1. new2grammar's Avatar
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    • Join Date: May 2008
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    #1

    Kindly check and make shorter if possible

    It pricked my heart, pinched my soul to see no one came forward to help a man lying on the street in a pool of blood frantically screaming for help. No one came forward…

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Oriya
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      • India
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    • Join Date: Mar 2008
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    #2

    Exclamation Re: Kindly check and make shorter if possible

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    It pricked my heart, pinched my soul to see no one came forward to help a man lying on the street in a pool of blood frantically screaming for help. No one came forward…
    I rewrite as: The distressing sight of a man lying on the street in a pool of blood, frantically screaming for help but no one responding, pricked my heart and grieved my soul.
    Last edited by sarat_106; 05-Sep-2009 at 11:59.

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