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    • Join Date: Sep 2009
    • Posts: 3
    #1

    Exclamation Can you help me with this letter? Thank you

    Dear Teacher, can you help me to correct this letter? And make this letter more polite and reasonable?

    THX

    Dear Boss

    Good morning!
    It's my great pleasure could be work for GGG department in XXX company.
    As you may understand, the HR meeting which hold on July was really a complicated conference. Which need to cover transportation, accommodations, printing, conference room reservation etc. Right now, I am helping with XXX meeting, I thought it might be the same as HR meeting. I was a little bit nervous coz the time is limited. Therefore I think I was too aggressive on the mail to push Lucy too much….

    I knew we are the one team, we have try our best to make things perfect and wonderful together. That's the team spirit.
    I apologize for the incorrect attitude in the exchange mails.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Oriya
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • India

    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 2,121
    #2

    Re: Can you help me with this letter? Thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by Cream tata View Post
    Dear Teacher, can you help me to correct this letter? And make this letter more polite and reasonable?

    THX


    Dear Boss

    Good morning!
    It's my great pleasure to (could be) work for the GGG department in XXX company.
    As you may be aware (understand), the HR meeting held during last (which hold on) July was really a crucial (complicated) conference, which (need to) covered a host important issues concerning transportation, accommodations, printing, conference room reservation etc. Right now, I am working for (helping with) XXX meeting, I thought it would (might) be the same as HR meeting. I was a little bit nervous because (coz) the time is limited. Therefore, I think I was too aggressive on the mail to push Lucy too much….

    I know (knew) we work together as (are the) one team,and we have to always try our best to achieve greater (make) things leading toward a common goal (perfect and wonderful together). That's the team spirit.
    I apologize for the incorrect attitude in the exchange mails.
    Delete words underlined in brackets. After deletion the letter looks like this:

    Dear boss,

    Good morning!
    It's my great pleasure to work for the GGG department in XXX company.
    As you may be aware, the HR meeting held during last July was really a crucial conference. which covered a host important issues concerning transportation, accommodations, printing, conference room reservation etc. Right now, I am working for XXX meeting, I thought it would be the same as HR meeting. I was a little bit nervous because the time is limited. Therefore, I think I was too aggressive on the mail to push Lucy too much….

    I know we work together as one team ,and we have to always try our best to achieve greater things leading toward a common goal. That's the team spirit.
    I apologize for the incorrect attitude in the exchange of mails.

    With worm regards

    Sincerly

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • German
      • Home Country:
      • Germany
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Nov 2008
    • Posts: 1,032
    #3

    Re: Can you help me with this letter? Thank you

    Unless the boss is your partner/wife/husband, adressing the letter as Dear Boss sounds way too personal to me. At the very least, in an informal way, you should be using his/her name.

    My husband and I have been in business together for many years, and occasionally we address each other as "Boss".

    I am not a teacher.

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