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    #1

    driving at the roundabout

    hello,
    i'm writing a descriptive composition. Can you please edit this paragraph to make it more descriptive, please?

    I was driving around the roundabout in 3rd miles and wanted to take the second exit off the roundabout into McDougall Road (or leave the roundbout into the second exit towards McDougal Road). Unaware of a car speeding from behind on the outside lane (there were three lanes at the roundabout- the left, the middle and the right one), i just drove out of the roundabout and got rammed into by the car. My car flew off the ground and tumbled three times till it hit the divider and stopped.

  1. Raymott's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: driving at the roundabout

    Quote Originally Posted by sebayanpendam View Post
    hello,
    i'm writing a descriptive composition. Can you please edit this paragraph to make it more descriptive, please?

    I was driving around the roundabout in 3rd miles and wanted to take the second exit off the roundabout into McDougall Road (or leave the roundbout into the second exit towards McDougal Road). Unaware of a car speeding from behind on the outside lane (there were three lanes at the roundabout- the left, the middle and the right one), i just drove out of the roundabout and got rammed into by the car. My car flew off the ground and tumbled three times till it hit the divider and stopped.
    This sounds more like a narrative composition than a descriptive one.
    Are you sure you understand the assignment?
    Maybe you are supposed to describe an event. But to me, a descriptive composition doesn't have any action at all in it (or needn't).
    The car behind me was a red Corvette, perhaps 20, 30 years old, shiny chrome bumper ...

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    #3

    Re: driving at the roundabout

    may be it is. but would you please make correction to it?
    thnaks.

  2. Raymott's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: driving at the roundabout

    Quote Originally Posted by sebayanpendam View Post
    may be it is. but would you please make correction to it?
    thnaks.
    No, it's your homework.
    But here are some problems I see.
    What is "in 3rd miles"? It doesn't make sense. Do you mean in 3rd gear? (In any case, it should be "third")
    You should spell McDougall the same way each time.
    I think if you have three lanes on a road, it's unnecessary to point of that one is on the left, one is on the right, and the other is in the middle - especially after you've described one lane as "the outside lane". Is that a fourth lane?

  3. BobK's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: driving at the roundabout

    ... and you weren't 'rammed into'; your car was driven into or slammed into or hit or rammed. And I have the impression that something can only be rammed if it's stationary - like a wall or a fence or a fire hydrant... What do other native speakers think?

    (Of course, the 'rammed into' in the OP isn't like a thingummy being rammed into a wotsit. In that case there are three things involved in the action: the subject, the thingummy, and the wotsit. It's not like 'a car being rammed into by another car' - which is just wrong.)

    b

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    #6

    Re: driving at the roundabout

    Hi,

    Sorry for the confusion. 3rd miles is actually the name of a place. The reason i listed the three lanes in brackets because i don't know which lane is designated as 'outside'.

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