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    • Join Date: Sep 2009
    • Posts: 1
    #1

    PLEASE HELP ME THE NICE TEACHER

    CAN YOU CHECK MY STORY TO SEE IF THERE IS ANY GRAMMER MISTAKES OR PUNCHUATION NEED TO BE ADDED. PLEASE HELP ME....




    I woke up with the sun shining on my face through the narrow window; it makes my heart full of freshness, while the smell of bamboos Ďmakes my mind whooze. Thatís just when mum shouted ďNadiaĒ (by the way its my name) I looked at the direction of the door she was calling me from the back door as usual I knew that, doesnít matter how early I sleep I woke up late, I havenít got much time now I threw mysheet I rushed to the toilet and had quick wash then dashed to the kitchen steal a magic banana this was the banana made from the gods land its worth a lot dad brought it for 60 coconuts even if one of the banana is in your house god will find out and help you if you eat it you wont be hungry for about 101 days, today its my turn tomorrow my little brotherís but it doesnít work for me so I give to my brother so mum never found out our business weíve been doing this for ages. How hilarious is that? I did all this in 5 minutes but mum shouldíve called me 10 times by now but she didnít and it was silence as night, I donít like the silence because it is never quiet. All my life is meant to be loud, because loud means happy, happy as the moon.
    Suddenly I hear somebody whispering from the back door; I walked slowly towards it. Outside the house I can only hear the wind humming, it is the wind whispering to me; sometimes I can under stand it now its saying wait. I have to close my eyes for this. Its saying something is going to happen something outrageous, something dark from the darkness.
    I hear footsteps of one or two peoples, I stand still to take a gasp of air but the air was disappearing from me! I feel like I am in vacuumed bag I was wheezing so badly and praying to the banana god to help me I hold it so tight which made the banana pulp my body one by one got freeze they were getting closer; I want to scream but when I screamed only I could hear me, once more try to scream this time loud and hard as I can I will cry until my throat shatter into pieces. I want the world to hear me then maybe somebody will help. but it was too late they already caught me, one shroud my mouth quick as he can and the other tighten me with his hand all over my stomach which made me sick. I bit the manís hand it was bleeding my mouth was covered in blood I now knew the taste of nauseating blood I spit it out with disgust, he then slap me on my face t I am naked my eyes are falling down I want them to be open for a while at least have a glimpse on what they are going to do? Where are they going to take me to? My mind is full questions about future. I am lifeless I canít help it any longer my eyes are closing down like it never going to open again.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Oriya
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • India

    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 2,121
    #2

    Exclamation Re: PLEASE HELP ME THE NICE TEACHER

    Quote Originally Posted by iamabadgirl View Post
    CAN YOU CHECK MY STORY TO SEE IF THERE IS ANY GRAMMER MISTAKES OR PUNCHUATION NEED TO BE ADDED. PLEASE HELP ME....


    I woke up with the sun shining on my face through the narrow window; it makes my heart full of freshness, while the smell of bamboos Ďmakes my mind whizz (whoeze). Thatís just when mum shouted ďNadiaĒ (by the way its my name). I looked at the direction of the door, and there she was calling me from the back door as usual. I know that, it doesnít matter how early I go to sleep and woke up late. I havenít got much time now, I threw my sheet and rushed to the toilet to have a (and had) quick wash and then dashed to the kitchen to steal a magic banana. This was the banana made from the gods land. Itís worth a lot and dad brought it in exchange of (for) 60 coconuts. Even if one of the banana is in your house, god will find out and help you. If you eat it you wonít be hungry for about 101 days. Today its my turn, tomorrow my little brotherís but it doesnít work for me so I give it to my brother. However, (so) mum has never any idea about (found out) our business which weíve been doing (this) for ages. How hilarious is that? I do (did) all this in 5 minutes but mum shouldíve called me 10 times by then (now) without knowing anything as ( but she didnít and) it was as silent as night. I donít like the silence because it is never quiet. All my life is meant to be loud, because loud means happy, happy as the moon.
    Suddenly I hear somebody whispering from the back door; I walked slowly towards it. Outside the house I can only hear the wind humming, it is the wind whispering to me; sometimes I can understand it, now its saying wait. I have to close my eyes for this. It says (ing) something is going to happen, something outrageous, something dark from the darkness.
    I hear footsteps of one or two people (s), I stand still to take a gasp of air but the air was disappearing from me! And I feel suffocated (like I am) in a vacuum (ed) bag. I was wheezing so badly and praying to the banana god to help me that I could help holding it (so) tightly which made the banana pulp to cling to my body (one by one got freeze) while they were getting closer; I want to scream but when I screamed for the first time it (I) could only be heard by me, once more I tried to scream, this time loud and hard as far as I can to the extent of (I will) crying until my throat shattered into pieces. I wanted the world to hear me so that (then maybe) somebody might rush (will) to help me. but it was too late as by then they had already caught me, one of them shroud my mouth as quickly as he can and the other tighten me with his hand all over my stomach which made me sick. I bit the manís hand and it was bleeding with my mouth (was) covered in blood. I now knew the taste of nauseating blood which I spit (it out) with disgust. He then slapped me on my face. (t I am naked) My eyes were (are) falling down, I wanted them to be open for a while at least to have a glimpse of (on) what are they going to do? Where are they going to take me to? My mind was (is) full questions about future. I was (am) lifeless I canít help it any longer, my eyes were (are) closing down like it never going to open again.



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