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    • Join Date: Oct 2009
    • Posts: 1

    Please correct and grade my essay!

    It is about a movie recommendation 'Patch Adams'. Therefore, some part may spoil movie a bit. Thank you.

    Patch Adams is a wonderful movie that I would like to recommend because it could catch your heart like me. First of all, the plot of the movie is based from the true story, so you can touch many things which it could happen in your real life. It was not just an imagination, a fantasy, or a dream. Moreover, the movie could give you an inspiration and get you to encourage making your dream. You may think that something is very hard to do, and it might be impossible but Patch has a brave heart to make his dream, so you can follow the right thing from him. For example, the story opening with a man who had a problem and wanted to suicide, so he had to admit to the booby hatch and found that he still can help other people. Therefore, he decided to study doctor when he was thirty something. Then, this man could make his dream come true. He is Patch Adams.. Because you should to know that he was a real man and real life doctor, and it used to happen in a real life, I think it could make you deeply touched about the movie.

    Next, you will see many interesting characters in this movie. For instance, Robin Williams is Patch Adams, a real life doctor who does everything to make his patient happy and laugh because he believes that laugh is a good medicine to treat them. Some people might think he is crazy because he is an unconventional. In daily life, normal doctor should wear just a white coat and does everything that can make him look perfectly but Patch Adams did not do that. He came to the hospital with clown suit, giant shoes and big red nose. However, because of contradiction, other doctors who did not believe in differently such as Dean Walcott was not like him. Walcott is character that still has in social life. He is such a strictly man who is confidence in his himself and believe he is always right. There are many characters that have their own personality and have many conflicts for you to follow.

    Finally, the movie has impressive background music. The musical is one of the important parts of the movie, so it can build your emotion, attract you and help the movie smooth. For example, one part of the movie “Pool of Noodle” that is the past is talking about an old women who almost leave this world but she has a lovely dream that still not come true. Her dream is noodle pool, so she would like to swim in the pool that has fulfilled with noodle. The music of this part called butterfly which is orchestra music. It started with soothing and slowly melody when an old woman talked about her dream. Then, the melody became softly faster, louder and harder when Patch did something for her, so when I heard that music my heart became up beat and wished her success her dream, and in the end of the part, the music turned back to soothing and slowly and finished. I could not remember when a tear flew down my face, but I can tell just the music still loudly in my mind and made me accurate remember this part. On the whole, this is one of the best movie in my life which I recommended you to watch because it was a great movie that has many emotions and it might make you cry with a smile.

    • Join Date: Aug 2009
    • Posts: 1,131

    Re: Please correct and grade my essay!

    This essay is a conscientious effort. It shows a lot of work and sincerity on the part of the writer.

    Perhaps the topic is too ambitious for the present ESL abilities of the student; the English isn't particularly good. "Editing" it would end up being "re-writing" it.

    As an essay, it is well organized.

    As a movie review, it praises the movie for all the wrong things: The fact that it's a true story, the fact that it is inspirational, and the good musical score.

    But what the readers of a movie review want to know is "How was it as a movie?" and the general feeling seems to be: "It's somewhat of a stinker."
    Last edited by Ann1977; 09-Oct-2009 at 17:36.

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