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    • Join Date: Oct 2009
    • Posts: 58
    #1

    Exclamation can you give me hand?

    Hi, I'm writting the thessi of a little paper I've to do, so I wrote
    "
    The commission and inclusion of Dr John Yu’s portrait by the National Portrait Gallery reflects the acceptance of Non-Western “émigré” (Butler, 1997) Art in the official stream of Australian Art as a result of the multicultural experience that it’s occurring in the country. This acceptance implies the use of international craft techniques based on a contemporary way of thinking. "

    It's okay, it's understandable, does it have gramatical mistakes?

    thanks


    • Join Date: Aug 2009
    • Posts: 1,131
    #2

    Re: can you give me hand?

    Quote Originally Posted by saeta View Post
    Hi, I'm writting the thessi of a little paper I've to do, so I wrote
    "
    The commission and inclusion of Dr John Yu’s portrait by the National Portrait Gallery reflects the acceptance of Non-Western “émigré” (Butler, 1997) Art in the official stream of Australian Art as a result of the multicultural experience that it’s occurring in the country. This acceptance implies the use of international craft techniques based on a contemporary way of thinking. "

    It's okay, it's understandable, does it have gramatical mistakes?

    thanks
    It has one grammatical mistake:

    "The commission and inclusion of Dr John Yu’s portrait by the National Portrait Gallery reflects the acceptance of Non-Western “émigré” (Butler, 1997) Art in the official stream of Australian Art as a result of the multicultural experience that is occurring in the country. This acceptance implies the use of international craft techniques based on a contemporary way of thinking. "
    --------------------------------------
    > I think the citation to (Butler, 1997) should not split the phrase "émigré Art," but instead directly follow the word "Art" -- even if only the word "émigré" is Butler's.

    It's also a difficult read, and I think it would benefit from being broken into a couple of sentences that are more straightforward.

    > Do you mean to imply that the National Portrait Gallery commissioned this work in addition to accepting it?

    > I think the last sentence does not capture its meaning. I think the meaning is: "This inclusion implies the acceptance of international craft techniques..etc.."

    > And I think "implies" is not the best word. How about "is the result of" or "results from" or "is due to"?

    > I think both uses of the word "art" should begin with lower-case "a"


    • Join Date: Oct 2009
    • Posts: 58
    #3

    Re: can you give me hand?

    Hi, I try to follow your corrections so this is what I have

    "
    The commission and inclusion of Dr John Yu’s portrait by the National Portrait Gallery reflects the acceptance of Non-Western “émigré” art (Butler, 1997) in the official stream of contemporary Australian art. This acceptance is due to the multicultural experience that it’s occurring in the country. Artistically, Dr Yu’s portrait reflects a combination of international craft techniques with a Contemporary way of thinking"

    What do you think?


    • Join Date: Aug 2009
    • Posts: 1,131
    #4

    Re: can you give me hand?

    Quote Originally Posted by saeta View Post
    Hi, I try to follow your corrections so this is what I have

    "
    The commission and inclusion of Dr John Yu’s portrait by the National Portrait Gallery reflects the acceptance of Non-Western “émigré” art (Butler, 1997) in the official stream of contemporary Australian art. This acceptance is due to the multicultural experience that it’s occurring in the country. Artistically, Dr Yu’s portrait reflects a combination of international craft techniques with a Contemporary way of thinking"

    What do you think?
    The commission and inclusion of Dr John Yu’s portrait by the National Portrait Gallery reflect the acceptance of Non-Western “émigré” art (Butler, 1997) in the official stream of contemporary Australian art. This acceptance is due to the multicultural experience that IS occurring in the country. Artistically, Dr Yu’s portrait reflects a combination of international craft techniques and a contemporary way of thinking."

    The subject of the sentence is "commission and inclusion."
    - If you intend to say that the National Portrait Gallery actually COMMISSIONED this work (in addition to "including" it), then the subject is plural and the verb "reflects" has to be "reflect."

    - Use "and" instead of "with" if the combination is:
    "international craft techniques" combined with "a contemporary way of thinking."

    However, if the word "combination" refers to the international craft techniques (several of which he combines), then change my "and" to "along with"


    • Join Date: Oct 2009
    • Posts: 58
    #5

    Re: can you give me hand?

    hi thank you so much!!!!!!

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