Student or Learner
Is this sentence ok?
"in other words, that is the bureaucratic procedure took by the National Portrait Gallery to include Dr John Yu’s portrait into the Gallery and to commission it (the portrait) to Ah Xian"
please help me,
The term "bureaucratic procedure" in your sentence suggests some animosity against the National Portrait Gallery, which, I would assume, takes normal business decisions on whose portrait it prefers to display in the gallery and who it would like to commission to paint it.
"The National Portrait Gallery has commissioned Ah Xian to paint Dr John Yu’s portrait for the Gallery"
Hope this helps