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      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Hong Kong
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: Jun 2008
    • Posts: 2,330
    #1

    Is the sentence correct?

    After being on the plane for many hours, a chartered bus took us to the our destination. I felt as if I was walking into the pictures in the travel brochure which showed what we would see in Disneyland.

    1. Should it be 'charter' instead?

    2. 'walking into the pictures' - Is the phrase correct, especially the 'into'? Would it be better if I change 'the pictures' to 'every picture'?

    3. Can the sentence be improved?

    Thank you very much for your help.


    • Join Date: Aug 2009
    • Posts: 1,131
    #2

    Re: Is the sentence correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tan Elaine View Post
    After being on the plane for many hours, a chartered bus took us to the our destination. I felt as if I was walking into the pictures in the travel brochure which showed what we would see in Disneyland.


    1. Should it be 'charter' instead?

    2. 'walking into the pictures' - Is the phrase correct, especially the 'into'? Would it be better if I change 'the pictures' to 'every picture'?

    3. Can the sentence be improved?

    Thank you very much for your help.
    > You have a dangling participle. As it is now, the sentence clearly states that the bus had been on the plane for hours.

    > I think "chartered" is better

    > Too many words are weakening the clever idea of "walking into a picture."

    > Too many generalities: Many hours (how many) -- our destination (name the hotel)

    After a seven-hour plane ride, we took a chartered bus to the Marriott. Getting off the bus was like stepping into a picture from the travel brochure.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Hong Kong
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: Jun 2008
    • Posts: 2,330
    #3

    Re: Is the sentence correct?

    Hello Ann

    I deeply appreciate your help.

    Thanks for pointing out the dangling participle. I agree it is.

    Thanks also for rephrasing the sentence.

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