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  1. #1

    Post Is there anything wrong with the structure of this sentence?

    By penning the Declaration of Independence, establishing what we know now as the democracy, enlarging the size of the United States and many other contributions, Thomas Jefferson deserved to be considered one of the most crucial Founding Fathers of the United States.



    Thanks in advance!


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    #2

    Re: Is there anything wrong with the structure of this sentence?

    By penning the Declaration of Independence, establishing what we know now as the democracy, enlarging the size of the United States and many other contributions, Thomas Jefferson deserved to be considered one of the most crucial Founding Fathers of the United States.


    > The first word should be "For'
    > No "the" in front of "democracy"
    > serial comma would help here before "and"
    > and add another "for" to keep the reader oriented
    > "deserved" should be "deserves"
    > I don't like that "most crucial" I think it should be "most influential" or "most important" or "most significant"

    For penning the Declaration of Independence, establishing what we know now as democracy, enlarging the size of the United States, and for many other contributions, Thomas Jefferson deserves to be considered one of the most important Founding Fathers of the United States.

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