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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner

    • Join Date: Nov 2009
    • Posts: 2
    #1

    Sentence

    Hi

    I have had some trouble with a sentence. I am trying to make an impression of beauty and bleakness but also add warmth by using the sun. The sentence is as follows:

    The sheer size of the Grand Canyon was staggering. Its rugged beauty swept to the horizon and never gave up while Helios’ orange blanket followed its paths.

    How can I achieve this better please?

    Any help appreciated. Thanks.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #2

    Re: Sentence

    Welcome to the forums.

    Purple prose is out of fashion. rephrase the second sentence to be less pretentious: #"Its stupendous walls and crannies piled up on each other towards the horizon, carrying with them the brilliant sunlight that through the day changed from orange through to white and back again, highlighting the rocks and deepening the shadows."

  2. Newbie
    Student or Learner

    • Join Date: Nov 2009
    • Posts: 2
    #3

    Re: Sentence

    Ah yes the dreaded 'purple prose'. That's probably why it didn't sound right. I will completely re-write it. Thanks for the advice and thanks for the welcome.

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