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  1. clickclack

    sentence structure error?

    I am in marketing and often find our promotional information to be off in terms of sentence structure. I am constantly told that wha is written is correct, but it just doesn't sound right to me. Here is the latest example:
    As an employee of ?????, you are eligible for special offers and discounts.

    Special offers like these devices for only $29.99 each after mail-in rebate and donít forget you get up to 8% discount on monthly service charges!


    The 2nd paragraph is what doesn't sound right to me. I am having a memory cramp from childhood to recollect what is exactly wrong with this sentence. What rule is it that is missed in this sentence structure? Thank you for your competent help.

  2. Barb_D's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 19,269

    Re: sentence structure error?

    Your memory is fine. :)

    That first part has no verb.

    If it were attached to the first sentence: ... special offers, like... then it would be fine.

    I think a lot of this writing tries to sound "breezy" or conversational, because when we talk, we often don't have properly formed sentences, and sometimes this style is more successful than other times.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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